Forever and Always

Forever and Always

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WpMetadataReadMatureOngoing12m
WpMetadataNoticeLast published Thu, Jul 13, 2023
HER.. Nothing. Nothing in this world is compulsory. Neither happiness nor suffering or anything. Everything and everyone has a fixed time. Then no matter what it has to go. But this. My life. These nightmares. Suffering. Fear. It is permanent. It keeps digging its claws deeper into my mind. My heart. My conscience. No matter how much I try. This darkness inside me is forever. Until. I saw. Him. Feeling as if the darkness he is hiding is similar but not so similar to mine. And I am ready to look for the light in his darkness more like I have to. But he looks cold like the terrors have made his heart into ice. Eyes empty void of any emotions. But I will crack is facade. His cold and hard exterior. Even if it is the last thing I do. ........................... HIM.. Darkness. Pain suffering are the only truths of this ugly world. And I have lived it. More like I was born into it. Knowing about it from a quite a young age. Terror is the only thing I have known. Growing up. And that night is etched into my mind like a scene on repeat. Not only that night lots of nights. Similar. But she. I dont know what is this growing attraction kind of thing for her inside me. I have to stop. I don't want to drag her into my hell of a life. She can't be a part of it. I will make sure of it. Even if I have to lose myself to do so.
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I woke to a sudden breeze invading the warmth from the heavy blanket that caressed my skin. Here, alone with my thoughts, the still, calm quiet in the atmosphere is almost painful. I feel suffocated in the clingy, static air. In quiet, still moments like these, I can almost feel Him. I don't know who "Him" is, but I can feel his presence. It's almost calming, especially on fearful, anxiety fueled nights. Usually, he was the strongest when I had a nightmare. The nightmares weren't as common now, but, right after everything happened, I was having them every night. I'd wake up and swear I was drenched in blood, my eyes and lips sticky, my nose filled with the smell of iron and fuel. After everything, that's when Him first came. From there, he just never left. I can usually sense when Him is near. Today, though, his presence is stronger. I can almost feel Him next to me, weighing down the mattress. Some nights, I roll over and imagine how he looks, envision his smile or the sparkle in his eyes. He's never there and I'm left clutching to the thought that he exists, staring into empty air. Tonight, though, I swear I can reach out and touch him. Extending my hand gently, I sweep my hand out into the darkness and meet an inexplicable warmth. A scream rips from my lungs as hands cover my face and two icy blue eyes stare back at me, daring me to speak again. A soft cloth caressed my nose and mouth before I felt myself fade into bed. All Rights Reserved. Contains graphic descriptions of violence and assault. Contains battle scene.

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