"Losing to you had always been a major deal for me, because I detested you and I detested seeing you triumph but who else thought of the day when I would slowly lose my heart and gradually grow to love you? I'm not sure why, but for the first time in my life, I liked losing."
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it's between yourself and heart.
how are you going to win if the time dictates that it was him all the time. are you going to believe your crazy feeling and surrender the fight?