Adhd, loneliness and spiral

When I'm bored and start writing, I tend to spiral. I get in my head and write everything that crosses my mind without being able to stop it. I need some outlet for everyting so here it goes.

So I'm journaling a lot. And I've noticed that while some moments are very depressing and cringe, other are more poetic (still sad, but well written). And I tought, why not share it with the world.
So in here you might find some good passages or depressing, cringeworthy and anything in between. Of course, I won't share my name or adress or anything like that, but it can give you a pretty good idea of what it's like in my head.
There will maybe be some part of my life, like a diary, but it's mostly for processing shit. I am very good at introspection and hyperaware of myself and i like to record and keep track of everything.
I want to note that while I am hyperaware, that doesn't stop the feelings that I have. I may know that it's just anxiety and insecurities and not true, I can still feel bad about it.
Also, just by writing the description, i can tell my ADHD will be strong and it might sometimes turn into random rambling or talk about my hyperfixation. I might make it different, like talking to readers, even though no one reads my journal and even if no one reads this. Just to give me the feeling that I'm sharing with someone, and not just talking to myself.

I will put a content warning, I am better, but have not always been, so there may be some mentions of unhealthy coping mechanism (s*lf ha*m)