heart broken

He is always telling me I'm the bad guy me me me.
its not fair he is the one who hurt me first! and now he thinks because I'm not letting him back in I'm suddenly the bad guy, no I'm not I'm only now protecting my self because of him and from him.
the amount of times I told him how many times I have been cheated and lied to and he agreed and said he would never do it to me well that's another lie. he said he loved me so much and he cant stop thinking of me well I wonder if he stop when he kissed Paris. why do I always fall for these cheaters and its always me who hits the ground and smashes maybe because I'm good person or let them take advantage of me? I don't know anymore what is it but I can tell you this never stops happening to me. I see all my friends do self-harm when this stuff happens if I did I would be dead by now because it happens so often to me. but I would never think of doing such a thing! Even though it hurts me when these things happen I don't have time doing that stuff to my self. I always tell me self their are lots of other fish in the sea but then think but maybe I'm not fishing in the right sea. I wonder in the future who I'm going to be with or maybe with no one sometimes I think someone out their though might be someone better for me and I look at others and think how lucky they are they did it to their boyfriend and didn't have it done to them and then feel bad their boyfriend who is bragging about her and caring for her and I just think to my self what a horrible world, he needs to open his eyes and get a better girl because he dissevers way better!