Are You Having Fun Yet?

This summer starts just like all the others, excitement, positive energy, summer shopping for new clothes, and making plans with family and friends to go on many adventures this summer. If you can't already tell, Summer is my favorite season. I love everything about it; everybody is always happier in the sunshine. This summer hasn't been full of sun, Weekend getaways, beach days, concerts, and nights at Fenway as I imagined. This summer was spent navigating a lymphoma diagnosis that my English Bulldog, Dudley, received. Although he turns 8 in October, the news was still completely unexpected. It shook me to the core, and seeing his decline has broken my heart into 1 million pieces, and each time I gather them back up off the floor, a couple extra go missing each time there's a part of me that I will never get back. It feels almost as if there's a hole in my chest that was occupied for the past nearly eight years by my best friend, Moo Moo, dudder butter, and many more nicknames he's accumulated over the years from the many people I met him and found love with him just like I did. This whole process has taken me on a roller coaster of emotions. There have been good, lousy, dark, and even funny moments throughout this journey of keeping him comfortable; his last day with me should be any day now or any month now, or any year now. That's the crazy part about all this. Nothing is in my control. I have no idea what the next day will bring or won't. What I do now is see it in the way he walks, the way he looks at me, and even the way he sleeps. Nothing is the same anymore.
I often look in the mirror, making the tears way and asking myself. Are you having fun yet?