Astarion is an adventurer. A rogue. A high elf. A vampire. He has a smooth tongue and eyes like daggers. He can break your heart and your face without a second glance. Phoenix St. James is a femme nonbinary late night phlebotomist at Roger's Memorial Hospital in Nederland, Colorado trying to make ends meet. What happens when Astarion stumbles through a portal, sending himself from Faerûn to modern day America, where magic doesn't exist and vampires are things of fiction, finding himself on Phoenix's front porch in the middle of the night?