smaller steps

when I was younger I used to be a sunshine, but when I am halfway older I am now a pathetic loser. it's hard to grow up in a space where you are not allowed to validate yourself. it's difficult for us to grow in a very tightened mind that when you fail once you are looked at as someone who they want to be against. hearing words that'll shatter your heart instead of working things out. traumatizing gaze and viewpoints of those who sheltered you. the screams, the punches, the sentences. even now that it's the current time, I still carry those aches. I am tired of pretending as if I can actually do anything because, because in the end of the day, its only another type of mask worn to tricked people.