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Complete, First published Oct 01, 2023
when I was younger I used to be a sunshine, but when I am halfway older I am now a pathetic loser. it's hard to grow up in a space where you are not allowed to validate yourself. it's difficult for us to grow in a very tightened mind that when you fail once you are looked at as someone who they want to be against. hearing words that'll shatter your heart instead of working things out. traumatizing gaze and viewpoints of those who sheltered you. the screams, the punches, the sentences. even now that it's the current time, I still carry those aches. I am tired of pretending as if I can actually do anything because, because in the end of the day, its only another type of mask worn to tricked people.
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Pinwheels and Dandelions by cjacks1124
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I was kicked around like trash on the streets. I was the book that nobody could understand or read, but without a care, they were quick to rip out the pages. I screamed for attention, but time after time, I was ignored. Nobody noticed me, so I made myself at home in my own shadow. They say there's light at the end of the tunnel -- I searched and searched for it, but it could never be found. Therefore, I lost hope as I hid in the shade and endured what seemed like everlasting pain. The little hope I did have was snatched from my arms. My baby brother was my life, and they took my glimpse of hope away. Home. Is that a word? Maybe for a family of some kind, but for me, I never had a place to call home. I moved from place to place. Unstable foster care, fighting for my life in group homes, barely surviving in detention centers, and running away from being mistreated as I made many benches my temporary home. The only thing that I was familiar with was a black plastic bag containing my dirty rags. I am too young to know what it feels like to survive. These are the cards life has dealt me and I am not meant to win; however, I easily lose without trying. It is hard for me to find peace. I am paying for my mother's reckless actions. I am trapped in a world where the sun has died because I am unable to feel love. I am unable to dream. Sorrow is my aura, and the sadness hugs me. My eyes are closed shut by the barbed wire fence from my eyelashes as they prohibit tears from falling. I am damaged. When will the morning come? Did the sun put up a fight last night, like I do every single day? If I can survive the day, I know the sun isn't dead. One day, I will awake to a glorious sunrise. Until then, I hope my brother keeps blowing his pinwheel, and I will keep making wishes with every dandelion I come across. For now, all I know is that everything was taken from me, and the only thing I own is my name.
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"A warning to the people The Good and The Evil This is WAR To the Soldier The Civilian The Martyr The Victim It's the moment of Truth and Lies The moment to Live and Die The moment to FIGHT?" The things you said to me, that this will keep me safe if I just listened. They were all just lies from the start. All of them. Do you know how it feels like to be stabbed in the back. Of course you don't. Why bother asking? Being stabbed repeatedly and then being asked if you're okay? Blood running down your back, then being stabbed again after being asked that question? That's all you can do I trusted you, I protected you, I almost gave up my life for you! This is all you can do, Just use me like you always do. NOT ANYMORE I've learned a few new TRICKS Are you proud of me? I hope you are. You're the reason why I blocked out all emotions from the world. The reason you think I'm still happy when I'm not. The reason why I'm here. You don't remember him don't you? He's still apart of me, but not you. You MADE me like! That's was so much fun. Making sure I was always ripped apart while you're stood in one piece. The promises you've broken, The judgement no one bothered to tell you, The so called friends you have. It's all over now.I've covered for you long enough, all those years ago when I was still sane. I'll pretend to be happy for you, I'll pretend to be your good old pal. Oh I will. I'll just show you all those pretty little white lies that you LOVE so much. I'll sprinkle them on top of you, I'll show you how much pain you've caused me. I'll bring them all back! Of course I'll be in your shadows, I'm always in there. Being mistreated and abused for you, of course! I'll make sure to add in some cuts and bruises for ya. I'll be your fucking shadow alright, I'll be it and make sure you fly close to the sun. You're afriad of the dark. You shouldn't be sweetie. You shouldn't be afraid of the dark, You should be afriad what's in it.
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Slide 1 of 10
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Being the Bad Boy's Victim [SAMPLE: Available for purchase on Amazon] cover

Pinwheels and Dandelions

177 parts Complete

I was kicked around like trash on the streets. I was the book that nobody could understand or read, but without a care, they were quick to rip out the pages. I screamed for attention, but time after time, I was ignored. Nobody noticed me, so I made myself at home in my own shadow. They say there's light at the end of the tunnel -- I searched and searched for it, but it could never be found. Therefore, I lost hope as I hid in the shade and endured what seemed like everlasting pain. The little hope I did have was snatched from my arms. My baby brother was my life, and they took my glimpse of hope away. Home. Is that a word? Maybe for a family of some kind, but for me, I never had a place to call home. I moved from place to place. Unstable foster care, fighting for my life in group homes, barely surviving in detention centers, and running away from being mistreated as I made many benches my temporary home. The only thing that I was familiar with was a black plastic bag containing my dirty rags. I am too young to know what it feels like to survive. These are the cards life has dealt me and I am not meant to win; however, I easily lose without trying. It is hard for me to find peace. I am paying for my mother's reckless actions. I am trapped in a world where the sun has died because I am unable to feel love. I am unable to dream. Sorrow is my aura, and the sadness hugs me. My eyes are closed shut by the barbed wire fence from my eyelashes as they prohibit tears from falling. I am damaged. When will the morning come? Did the sun put up a fight last night, like I do every single day? If I can survive the day, I know the sun isn't dead. One day, I will awake to a glorious sunrise. Until then, I hope my brother keeps blowing his pinwheel, and I will keep making wishes with every dandelion I come across. For now, all I know is that everything was taken from me, and the only thing I own is my name.