Forest

Forest

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This is the beginning of sophomore year, I haven’t decided on what I wanted to be in life. Everybody knows what they want to be, but I guess I just am a loner for not knowing what I want to be in life. I mean its not that I have bad grades or anything, its just that my math and science skills are not really gonna help me get a actual and good “life”, except into a good college. Right? My thinking is that after getting into a good college is just going to help me get a good salary and that’s it. All I thought about was just to always relaxing and playing games in my video game console room. There is wires on over and around my bed. I had a passion for video games since like ever. Games were just a natural instinct. Many people think that I am person who sits on a couch/bed and plays on video games with potato chips in the side, well guess what!. I am a stick!. I been playing basketball for about 7-8 years now and have improved drastically over the past couple of years. Our coach has this motto “Unity is strength...blah..blah..blah…,” when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved. Well my parents share this motto of going to sleep early to let your cells regenerate and blah..blah..blah.” So, basically I kinda get reminded of mottos like pretty much every single minute of my life. Go to school “Unity……,” come back home, “Go…….!” So yeah, that’s another part of my life. So this is how school starts…………………………………!!!
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Loneliness. Depression. Broken. Scared. Devastated. Hopeless. Mournful. Disheartening. Bleak. Joyless. Somber. I have no one. Depression and Loneliness are the only things I feel. My family tries to make me happy, but I just put on a fake smile and cry about it in my room. They act like everything is alright, but everything is not. They KNOW I was devastated about Mom's murder. They KNOW I was heartbroken about Dad's sickness that eventually killed him. That's all I've thought about. Devastation and heartbroken. Just because of those two things. Never in my life I have been this devastating. Dayton, Hayden, Angel, or Monica know how to make me truly happy. Not even my own siblings know how to make me show a real smile. Suicide is all I can think about day to day and I've almost died because of that. DEPRESSION IS A REAL THING. NO ONE KNOWS HOW I FEEL EVERYDAY. NO ONE CAN JUDGE OTHERS ABOUT DEPRESSION OR EVEN MAKE JOKES ABOUT IT BECAUSE ITS A REAL THING. DEPRESSION HAS KILLED PEOPLE. EVERYONE IN MY LIFE JUDGES ME JUST BECAUSE I DON'T SMILE, LAUGH, HUG, OR DO ANYTHING NORMAL PEOPLE DO. I CUT MYSELF, I CRY, I YELL, I VENT, I PUSH PEOPLE OUT OF MY LIFE. Those are the things people are worried about me. "Go kill yourself and join your parents in hell." They say and I just shrug it off and find a private place to hide and cry it out. "I CAN'T DEAL WITH LIFE ANYMORE!!!!" I say and I use my sharp nails and cut myself then cry some more. A gun is buried within my arm for defense from my dad, but I use it in case I am tired of society. Then that's when I met the Host Club. They saw my sadness and made me a part of it to repay my debt for accidentally breaking a vase. I am now a Host for men to flatter them, but how can normal guys want me to be a Host when I wear lip earrings, eyeliner, chains, and have a gun in my arm? I'm the definition of Hell. Then he made me smile again, something that I thought I would never get back. Happiness.

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