Trauma Ruined My LIfe (The Real-Life Journal Of An Abuser) - Rojelio aka TenTillDeath - Wattpad

Trauma Ruined My LIfe (The Real-Life Journal Of An Abuser)

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Parts 17
Time 2h 3m

Reads 26
Votes 0
Parts 17
Time 2h 3m

Mature

abusiverelationship journal mentalhealth psychological sadness self self-esteem selfhelp tentilldeath therapeutic trauma truestory

It was October 2023, and my now-ex-fiance had moved out of our trailer for good. I decided to end our relationship and thought I had emotionally moved on from them. I was wrong-dead wrong. What followed them moving out was something I could not have ever thought to experience. I began to experience extreme mood swings, controlling behavior, self-esteem issues, and a new-found addiction to alcohol. This was just the tip of the iceberg, as I was constantly flirting with suicide on a daily basis. I could not begin to even tell you about how I went through an emo phase, a "man hoe" phase, and multiple other phases as well due to my deteriorating mental health. I began to document my everyday life after our split through two separate journals over a twelve-month span. This is the true tale of how a breakup brought me to the realization that I was an abuser and that I became the same monster that I swore not to become as a kid. This is how trauma ruined my life, and how it will ruin yours too.All Rights Reserved

abusiverelationship journal mentalhealth psychological sadness self self-esteem selfhelp tentilldeath therapeutic trauma truestory

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17 parts

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If You Love Me by slybatspidow

"If you love me, you won't leave me." Jessie has believed those words from her boyfriend, Josh, since senior year of high school. She loves him and doesn't want to leave him. Not even when he shouts at her and hits her. Jessie's best friend, Kolleen, can't stand seeing her in that situation. With a bit of convincing - and the worst beating she'd ever received - Jessie agrees to move into an apartment with Kolleen. But not long after, Jessie is scared the worst of her nightmares will soon become a reality. Josh goes missing, and suddenly Jessie would swear she's being followed. One night changes everything, and one person soon changes Jessie's outlook. A responding officer from that fateful night begins to seek her out, at first claiming it's part of his job. As she spends time with her new friend outside of his job, she starts realizing that her feelings are evolving. After being abused for over a year, Jessie is terrified she's falling in love. What's even more terrifying is that he might be, too. She isn't ready for love. Not yet. She makes up her mind that if he is falling, and if he does love her, he'll wait for her to be ready, and if she loves him, she won't let herself hurt him. Can the words that used to cage her in really be the key to her freedom? --- Featured On: @NA: Take a seat and let it be | Mature Content and 18+ reading list @NA: You deserve the world | Mental Health reading list Ambys Top Picks New Adult 2023

WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE by daenerose

When I first encountered him, I sensed a depth to him that went beyond the surface. Little did I know then that this depth would soon give rise to a bitter reality. I held onto the hope that by writing our journey, I could ignite inspiration in many hearts and demonstrate the endurance of love, even in the face of unrequited feelings. However, it seems that my aspirations fell short. *** Our story was one of you, centered solely on you and the facets of yourself that remained hidden from your own view when you look at yourself in the mirror. Your intense gaze left a lasting impact on my wounded heart, a memory that lingered until the very end. Farewell, my enigmatic Mr. Reeves, until our paths meet again. 💜

Cold Water by adaline_meadows

[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ Depression

Logan by braindeadwriter06

*TW* Contains topics and scenes of sexual assault, self-harm, abuse.* "You know you loved every second of it," I can feel the tears welling up as well as the anger building up within me. I stare at him for a while before I have to turn away from his hungry gaze. "Look I just came here to tell you that I forgive you for what you did back in Cali and I'll take you back," "You forgive me?" I yell. "I did nothing to you. You raped me! You fucking raped me! You have no right to come here and tell me that. You. Forgive. Me. You traumatized me. What you did to me tore me up inside and was eating away at me until I tried to kill myself. And when I told people they didn't believe me. I had to listen to so many people talk about how great a guy you were and how I clearly just regretted sleeping with you. You are a monster. You made me hate myself for something that was never my fault. You have caused me so much pain and suffering," I pause to take a deep breath. "So you don't get to come here to my school and tell me you forgive me. You don't get to make me feel bad about coming forward. The only thing I regret is ever thinking you were a good person." _____________________________________________ Logan Young is a 16-year-old girl about to start her senior year in a brand new town. The past year has been tough and her family moved to give her a fresh start. Her life before the move had been hard and she had been spiraling. She quickly makes new friends and even enemies. She builds up walls to protect herself. But what happens when an unlikely person helps her to tear down her walls and heal. Will she be able to survive in this new place and keep her secrets intact?

Beyond The Past (My Toxic Relationship) by stylesiconic

I'll be honest, this isn't a story it's more or less a really long journal entry about my toxic relationship. I'm not really writing this to get views or anything of that sort -kinda more just to get closure and maybe help out others who are in a similar situation. With that being said if you choose to read this be warned there are triggers regarding drugs, alcohol, suicide, gaslighting, miscarriage, manipulation and so much more. Please read at your own risk.

His Heart to Love by nenewritesometimes

"Been about you, since I met you and imma keep it that way" You're special to me. You're the only one who I wouldn't mind losing sleep for, the only one who I can never get tired of talking to, and the only one who crosses my mind constantly throughout the day. You're the only one who can make me smile without trying, bring down my mood without the intention to and affect my emotions with every action of yours. I can't explain with just words how much you mean to me, but you're the only one I'm afraid of losing and the one I want to keep in my life. So, please don't leave me. ~April 18, 2021 ~July 21, 2021 Rankings: #4 in mentaldisorder 9/16/2021 #6 in highschoolsweethearts 9/16/2021 #38 in urban 9/16/2021 #14 in blacklove 9/16/2021 #5 in angerissues 9/16/2021 #12 in urbanromance 9/16/2021 #3 in bwbm 9/16/2021 #20 in contemporarylit 9/16/2021 #29 in urbanstory 9/16/2021 #2 in africanamerican 9/16/2021

The Selfless Me by Blo0ki

Sometimes, I just want to write out my feelings, y'know. It's okay to write what's going on in your head. It's okay to open a clean page and just write all the things you've held onto. It's okay to let loss on a piece of paper with a pen/pencil at hand. Most definitely It's okay to write your trauma, only if you're comfortable with. This book is my thoughts or rambles when I did/do have those episodes. I hate venting to people. I never could have trusted them. Yet, i can write, peot, and type what's going on or rant til i feel I find it in a book. It's okay to cry. You're not alone. No one is alone You are loved by many. ~Alh

Altered by LuellaOpal

Have you ever met someone who alters the course of your life? For good or for bad, they've come in, given and taken, and then- BOOM! Your life was never the same. There's always a change, an altering of reality. When you meet those people, the reality that you've known your whole life is suddenly gone and a new one has taken its place. When those moments happen, there's no going back. You can try to return to the way things were but nothing, and I mean nothing, can take you back to exactly how it was. That's what happened to us. I think that's why we're still trying so desperately to get back to some sort of normalcy. Four years later and we're still on the ground, crawling, in search of the happiness that was lost that June. Summers will never be the same. Midnight walks through my neighborhood will never be the same. Field parties with bonfires and loud music will never be the same. I still don't know why you left and what lead you to the decision you made. What I do know is that we're here. We're alive and we're pushing forward to the future. A future that you're not a part of. But in some ways, I'm glad you're not a part of it. I just wish it wasn't like this. *** TRIGGER WARNING*** SA, abuse, suicide, substance abuse, and mental illness. This is a complete story that is much like life; fast, full of surprises, and not always how we want it to be. This has been a project of mine for over three years. It was self-published on Amazon, but after some issues in publication, I decided to just upload it on here. I hope you fall in love with these characters like I have. The friends in this story are trying to make names for themselves, figure out who they are, who they can trust, how to love, and how to separate themselves from a restrictive community. As in any coming of age story, they will experience growing pains... but will they survive them before its too late? PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS.

SWEET REVENGE by monica23031

The exact words he threw at my face still haunts my dreams every single night and I think I'm starting to believe him. "Wish I've never met you I was so young and stupid, no wonder no one wanted to be with you, you are just holding me down and I honestly just got bored, needed a new chapter in my life that was the main reason I did what I had to do to keep myself happy. I just don't want to lie to myself anymore. I can't do this. I need to be free for once in my life. I'm so relieved that I don't have to marry you anymore, it's like a dead weight lifted from my shoulders. JUST LEAVE! GET OUT NOW! '' I just didn't know what to do that day I way so shocked, one minute we were one big happy family and the next he throws everything we build up as a family. I should had been warned by his actions the last month that we spend together. He knew that he was my first for everything and that gave him a push on his ego. Always bragged about being my first and claiming power over the situation. I was blinded by all of his charms and I see that now, I'm so sorry I did not listen Laura, you were just trying to protect me , that's what best friends are for but I chose him and I am truly sorry. I promise I will get a way to show him that I am not just a waste of space and I am going to do it all just for me and my baby girl. **WARNING** Sexual language and mature content Read at own risk ;) https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Monicanaude

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Slide 1 of 9

If You Love Me cover

WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE cover

Cold Water cover

Beyond The Past (My Toxic Relationship) cover

His Heart to Love cover

The Selfless Me cover

SWEET REVENGE cover

If You Love Me

"If you love me, you won't leave me." Jessie has believed those words from her boyfriend, Josh, since senior year of high school. She loves him and doesn't want to leave him. Not even when he shouts at her and hits her. Jessie's best friend, Kolleen, can't stand seeing her in that situation. With a bit of convincing - and the worst beating she'd ever received - Jessie agrees to move into an apartment with Kolleen. But not long after, Jessie is scared the worst of her nightmares will soon become a reality. Josh goes missing, and suddenly Jessie would swear she's being followed. One night changes everything, and one person soon changes Jessie's outlook. A responding officer from that fateful night begins to seek her out, at first claiming it's part of his job. As she spends time with her new friend outside of his job, she starts realizing that her feelings are evolving. After being abused for over a year, Jessie is terrified she's falling in love. What's even more terrifying is that he might be, too. She isn't ready for love. Not yet. She makes up her mind that if he is falling, and if he does love her, he'll wait for her to be ready, and if she loves him, she won't let herself hurt him. Can the words that used to cage her in really be the key to her freedom? --- Featured On: @NA: Take a seat and let it be | Mature Content and 18+ reading list @NA: You deserve the world | Mental Health reading list Ambys Top Picks New Adult 2023