Inner consumption part 1
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I cry my eyes out to the feeling of hatred, disappointment, and death.
I beg God to take my life as I stare at the dark tinted walls.
How could this be? I try to sort my thoughts and think of what I did to deserve this, as I continue to cry a soft force feels like it overpowering me.
I'm silent, I hold my breath in fear. As I get weaker and weaker, I start fighting for my life, I scream in pain, Im fighting my inner self, like my demons were taking over. Like all my sins were finally becoming me.
I get this new motive to hurt. Not just other people, to hurt myself. I fight the feeling, I will not turn into myself. I want to be different, to be happy.
I sit in the floor and rock myself to my own pity. I begged him to take my life, did he answer me? I finally got it. There is a god. There is a hell. There is an afterlife.
I have done made my decision, I've sold my soul to the devil. Maybe you do go to hell for killing yourself, maybe not literally, but killing my future.
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Before I could walk away completely, he grabbed my arm and pushed me against the wall. My wrists were caught in his grasp as he placed them above my head. I tried my best to avoid eye contact with him, knowing that if I didn't, I'd fall under his spell. My face held a blank stare not trying to give him the satisfaction that he actually had an affect on me. His cool breath spread across my face while his eyes roamed over my body. "Why the fuck do you make it so hard for someone to like you?"I kept my mouth closed irritated that he was actually talking this way to me."How hard is it to show some consideration for others?" "That's rich coming from a nigga who when he first met me, didn't even shake my hand. You're an arrogant, egotistical, asshole, who thinks the only place for a woman is on your penis." "At least I'm not a self centered, power hungry, bitch." "Fuck you."Before I realized what happened, his lips were on mine. The sweet taste of mint gum was being absorbed by my taste buds. Coming down from my high, I pushed him away. Both of us touched our bottom lips looking at each other in confusion.
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