// chaos incarnate // osamu dazai //

// "People speak of hope as if it is this delicate, ephemeral thing made of whispers and spider webs. It's not. Hope has dirt on her face, blood on her knuckles, the grit of cobblestones in her hair, and just spat out a tooth as she rises for another go." //

Kindness is often mistaken for softness and let me tell you, that is a mistake you don't want to make. Kind people are not born that way, they do not stumble into it. Kind people are forged in fire and darkness and imploding stars; they have steel cores. Throw a punch and you're going to break your hand. Dazai knew that better than most. He has seen life crush so many others, and they become these kinder versions of themselves after having faced the worst of it all. He's seen it happen to himself.

An immortal king who only wishes to end his life. What drove him to this insane state? Why did he live such a suicidal lifestyle when his future was perfect? Why would he ruin everything just for a little thrill? He knew his life was going to crumble around him. Perfect doesn't last, after all. Those he had grown so fond of wouldn't have made it, so Dazai was willing to gamble everything if it meant he could do something worthwhile - be something worthwhile.

Now, he stands in the middle of a battlefield, breaking the very people he swore to protect.

"You can't protect them if you're still stuck in the past!" I heard Chuuya shout, his eyes burning into the back of my head. "It wasn't your fault, Dazai! To me, to us, you were no monster. Now get that into that damn head of yours."

"But-"

"I don't have time for your damn rebuttals. Save the person that's right in front of you rather than those in your past. They're gone, but we're not. We're still here."