Here's to Us

Here's to Us

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WpMetadataNoticeHuling na-publish Sat, Aug 9, 2025
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NON-FICTION
Autobiography
There was a time I promised a man that I admired that when the timing in my journey of growth was right, I would find the courage to fulfill my dream of writing a book. I told this man how safe and content I felt to simply throw on a t-shirt with cotton shorts and curl up in a soft, fluffy chair. Drink and snacks in hand, ready to confidently pour out the memories and words that consume me. We made prolonged eye contact, his expression peaked in interest as if he were studying me. Eyes are the window to the soul, I felt naked and vulnerable. He finally asked me if this was what I really wanted, I smiled and said yes. "You need to do whatever it takes to make you happy and fuel the fire I just saw. You need to embrace who you are. You are beautiful, and you deserve much more than this. Work for it. If you let me in, I could help you, C. I'll do whatever it takes to see you in your true essence, raw without question, and being the woman that I love so much. I will do whatever it takes to always be here for you. It breaks my heart to see you suffer. One day, I'll have to leave because you keep pushing me out. Trust me. I want you to achieve everything you set your big heart to. Listen to me, sweetheart. You won't feel like this forever. I know your pain, and I've been in your shoes. There's another side to this, and you can have it whenever you decide to love yourself first without question. You're going to tell your story one day, and I can't wait to hear about it." Here's to a good start, Boston.
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I wanted to tell him that I knew his favorite book, and his coffee order, and the way he clicked his pen when he was deep in thought. I wanted to tell him I knew that he sleeps on the right side of the bed and eats on the left side of the table. I wanted to tell him that I knew his worries, dreams and fears. I wanted to tell him that I knew he loved me too. I wanted to see his laugh, and know that I was the reason. I wanted to make him smile, just to see those dimples that lay heavenly on his face. I wanted his eyes to light up in joy- I wanted to see him happy. I wanted to tell him that I prided myself in the fact that I had memorized all the freckles on his skin, how his freckles birthmarks created their own galaxies of planets and stars. I wanted to tell him I would be there for him, on the bad days too. I wanted to tell him he could call be at 3:46 in the morning and just complain, I'd completely understand. I wanted to tell him that he had completely beguiled me; that he was my entire world. I wanted to tell him that I love him more than anything I had ever known. I wanted to run to him, to hug him. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and never let me go. I wanted to never leave him. I wanted to rule by his side, as his Luna. Instead, I just turned my back in order to not let anyone see my tears. I walked away from the love of my life, for what? For fate? For destiny? Or for some foolish trick that I was walking myself into? No matter the reason, I walked away from him with tears in my eyes and sorrow in my heart. I never wanted to walk away again. He was my mate and all I wanted was him.

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