I Just Want To Be Happy
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I just want everyone to be happy, including myself.
I don't want to talk to much about myself, but I've also read that venting can help your mental state.
And I definitely don't have the most stable mental state right now.
Most of the time it's just foggy, and I hate it and wish I could fix it. It might be my ADHD that's doing it, if so, I'm hoping to talk to my doctor and get on pills because I've already tried other things like reading and apps that help your memory, concentration and focus.
I would love a therapist, but it's too much money, and my schedule is kind of all over the place with my job at DQ and school.
I don't like it when people worry about me as well, it makes me feel bad.
And I'm getting tired of my family telling me everything I do wrong. I understand because I mess up a lot, but it's just making me feel worse about myself.
And it's not their fault, it's mine, I need to fix myself, but I don't have the motivation to do it.
I'd rather help other people and make them feel better about themselves, although I worry about being too much or being weird.
My mind is a mess, but I want to fix it...
And I'm in college now, so I have to...
I also want friends, but it's hard, and I'm lonely and scared of messing up.
I prefer people I make up and characters in animes because I can tell what they're thinking.
I am also good at reading other's emotions as well, but they aren't always positive towards me.
And a lot of the time I feel stupid or weird, that's why I prefer writing stories where I can create characters who are kind.
But I know no one is perfect, I definitely am not.
But still, I want to find that perfect person for me.
I know it may never happen, but I can only hope.
And when that person comes into my life, I'll love them with all my heart...
And the surprising thing is, that person just showed up in my life.
And now, I want to make them as happy as possible before they get tired of me.
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"Are you ok?" "What's wrong?" "Are you sad?" "Everything will be okay". Honestly, I'm not okay, what's wrong? Everything! And why am I sad? Because I can't handle anything anymore and NOTHING will be okay. I don't know why I always need to lie to everyone about me, it's not like they could understand anyways. Who's been by my side? Well people obviously, but none of them can know what I think! How I feel! How could they anyways, it's not like my life is a book that people can just read and understand... Who am I? An emotional girl who is exaggerating right now? Haha! NO. I'm actually Anne, and I'm fourteen. I guess that I'm a social teen, always looking happy and approchable. Well not lately...But you'll get to that part at some point. I'm an "average teen" like some people say. Well I honestly don't know. I'm always tired, depressed stressed, but some say that that's normal. Of course because my life isn't complicated at all...Maybe I imagine things? All these years and I've always kept things inside, of course I have friends, but they can't hear my thoughts and know everything in my pathetic life. So that's why I've decided "Well why not write in a diary? Maybe it will help? Or something" I have no idea if it actually helps, but it might...At least it's something I can open up to. To talk about my suicidal thoughts, my depression, my self-harm issues and my eating disorder... On that note.... Bye.... Fml :) Anne
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