Trebly
  • Reads 190
  • Votes 74
  • Parts 8
  • Time 1h 52m
  • Reads 190
  • Votes 74
  • Parts 8
  • Time 1h 52m
Ongoing, First published Jan 19
We talk a lot about becoming the best version of ourselves, but maybe it's not really about that, maybe it was never about becoming anything. Maybe it's just about learning to let go of everything we're not really so we can allow ourselves to be everything we were meant to be from the beginning. 

Our childhood wounds and everything that stained us along the way are a reflection of what those people were who almost caused us death. Understanding that makes standing in front of the mirror look less painful and makes the winds that fill our boat look less painful. They are nothing more than a circumstantial event that limits us to understanding that we are capable of reaching the other side of the sea to see that the nights of regret will become days of joy.
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The leaving. It was hard, tragic , painful, yet it had to be done, I needed to save my life. I didn't want to start again, this would be the story of finding myself, pulling myself back together, reuniting the happy go lucky youngster I had once been. The shock of leaving took more of a toll on me than I thought it would. I had asked two people to help me move out of the house I had shared with my partner for 8 years, we had been together 23 years in total. The move was done in total secrecy, my partner could never know in advance, it was a very scary time. I had moved various things out of the house and secured a rent on a property nearby. The house I picked was near the School the children went to, and my oldest lad was going to be near his best friend. My Mother told me of the property it was advertised on the web, we both went and had a look, even that was scary, I didn't want to be seen by anyone and became paranoid that I would be caught out. For many months I lived on a new kind of fear, the fear of someone finding out that I planned to leave my abusive partner, though of course no one knew my seemingly happy, funny, generous partner was abusive. Finding the house was one thing, getting the various companies to connect the house and exchanging the information of my current address so they could varify that I was, who I said I was almost drove me mad. The day came to leave, My Mother and a very dear Friend came round as early as possible, we packed as much as we could. This included taking the boys clothes, bedding, toys, stuff from the garden, my stuff. We had 3 cars the packing seem to take all day. By the end we had to get going to be able to unpack, leaving me time to pick up the boys from School and settle them in their new home. I couldn't do it at first,I started to cry then scream, to leave the world I had put so much of my life into, and now in a split second would be leaving was breaking my heart.
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