Zen and the Art of Cannibalism: A Zomedy - Daniel Younger - Wattpad

Zen and the Art of Cannibalism: A Zomedy

Reads 21
Votes 0
Parts 5
Time 56m

Reads 21
Votes 0
Parts 5
Time 56m

apocalypse comedy crime horror humor zombies

When a harebrained scheme to swipe forty pounds of pot from Russian mobsters goes awry, the Wizard thinks he’s got problems. But when a giant evil talking dog shows up and starts raising the dead, things get a little more complicated.
As the end grows nigh, it’s up to Wiz and his ragtag cohorts, along with a binge-drinking voodoo god, to fend off the hungry horde. Will they make it? Or will everything go up in smoke? 
A hilarious, gut-busting, skull-crunching homage to B-movies everywhere. Funnier than The Illyad... Scarier than Brokeback Mountain... Dumber than Breakfast of Champions... Significantly shorter than Dune... It’s Zen and the Art of Cannibalism.All Rights Reserved

apocalypse comedy crime horror humor zombies

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Zombie Fieldtrip by nastytallica

four quirky best friend + three seemingly useless (but cute) boys + the most popular guy in school turned zombie + a stoner found hiding in a cupboard = a surprisingly efficient rat-tag group of zombie slayers on their way up the east coast of australia to their safe haven. Some of them may have biceps for brains, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. BEWARE: excessive amounts of pop culture references, bad jokes and zombie guts ahead. (PLEASE NOTE: I wrote this from 2014-2016 when I was 14-16, it has never been edited and was written on a whim with no planning. I hope it's still enjoyable but be mindful it is an old book!) #Wattys2016 [action #25]

Alive by teacup_s

≫ ──── ≪•◦ ✦ ◦•≫ ──── ≪ │ Surviving The End _______________________________________ │Cast aside by a world that mistook her for infected, Aisha now sees the crumbling of humanity's reign over their miserable world. It's time for something new, something stronger. Something deadlier. │ The world has descended into chaos. Aisha wakes, disoriented and... surprisingly alive. Or at least, something close to it. She quickly learns that humanity is no longer alone-creatures have mutated far beyond recognition, and she is no exception... _______________________________________ │Follow the journey of Aisha as she becomes a survivor in a dead world.

The Walkers [editing] by beyondpsychopathic

A Cure goes horribly wrong, creating a zombie virus which quickly spreads across Australia. It reaches to a large friendship group and forces it to momentarily split into three. On this journey all they can rely on is, luck, skill and trust.... which most of them lack. They will have to test their extents of their friendship and when they meet and join once again, their final aim evolves from just 'surviving', to finding a cure. But in the end they're still just a group of immature teenagers with a fitting immature sense of humor. This is quite a light hearted story with a few dark moments.

Becoming Them: A Zombie Novel by xNadiyahx

What would you do if one second you were struggling to survive with your friends and mother in tow, and then you wake up to find yourself with a group of strangers the next - all during the country's takeover of blood-thirsty zeds? Megan couldn't believe her eyes. Her brain was muddled with confusion she couldn't get rid of, no matter how many times those strangers reassured her and explained what happened. But she had to accept it, even though it didn't make any sense to her. Megan had been with her mother every step of the way since everything turned to chaos, beginning just a year before, and now she was nowhere to be seen. And on top of that, she had the zeds to deal with. Ghastly creatures that used to be human, carrying a virus that's spread through a constant hunger for flesh from the host, spreading through bites and scratches. It didn't exactly make it easy to prevent getting infected. Things could have been worse, though, Megan thought. She could've been left all alone to ponder over her thoughts and fear over the future. It'll only be within the time spent with the new group will she find out that everything's not as happy and welcoming as it had seemed. These people had a few secrets of their own, including the real reason they took Megan in. She would soon find out just how far people would go to ensure their own survival. -------------- Please check out my first finished novel. Hope you enjoy this zombie story and let me know what you think in the comments! x

The Last Coors Banquet in the Valley | Lawrusso by LulaMadison

During the zombie apocalypse Johnny Lawrence searches for the last Coors Banquet in the valley, but instead he finds a 16 year old kid living alone in an abandoned apartment block. He decides to teach the kid how to be a badass Zombie killer. (There isn't a lot of horror in this because it's not really about Zombies, it's about finding love and family at the end of the world :-P)

the womb's undoing by grovergaines

The most idiotic Four Horsemen in apocalyptic lore are taking the world by storm. Okay wait, that's definitely an exaggeration. They start out small, in Mellow Wells, Texas. But you can be sure: when the Rooney quadruplets run wild, upending the lives of musicians, senior citizens, politicians, one drug dealer and a police chief scarred by past failure . . . it's the beginning of our extinction. No bombs No technology Just pure human stupidity

BETTER SAFE THAN ZOMBIE by hapz_2bme

"Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven" - John Milton, 'Paradise Lost' When the virus came, it infected the whole world in less than a month. Sixteen year old Hazel Williams, and her dog, Azrael, a Siberian Husky, lived two years in the apocalypse and still counting. They endured canned goods and slept in abandoned houses. During the day, they fought zombies. Only the zombies in their world weren't the dead who came back to life. They were living people who acted like the dead. Living this way for two years, Hazel thought they were the only non-zombie left on earth. She was about to be proved wrong. Could Hazel survive through annoying jerks, airhead cheerleaders, and super yucky zombies? And could there really be a cure for the pandemic? Well, she's about to find out. And its not going to be pretty. [There is another story included inside BSTZ, and that's OZTS, or Once Zombie Twice Shy. Its more darker and gory than BSTZ.] #SHTF All Rights Reserved. ©TWDposter

Love Bitez by katfeatherly

WARM BODIES meets THE BREAKFAST CLUB meets ZOMBIELAND in this YA apocalypse story full of fluff, comedy and humans biting back. ✿ "When I imagined my high school crush would be dying to eat me, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind." ✿✿ Ava Sterling never expected she'd be the one solution to the zombie apocalypse. Then again, she never expected she would end up biting one of them either. But, hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. During a moment of intense panic, Ava's teeth end up firmly lodged in the arm of her old crush, now turned very much zombie. A spur-of-the-moment impulse that even drowning in mouthwash wouldn't erase. After this impromptu bite, Gabriel the zombie turns back into Gabriel the human and the zombie apocalypse suddenly takes a completely different turn. This not-so-fun revelation changes everything for Ava's ragtag group of survivalists. Tensions are higher than ever. Feelings are getting in the way. And it seems that being newly re-humanized does leave some nasty mental side-effects on the previously zombified. Still, not everything is that bleak for Ava and her survivors. For one, it's finally time for the humans to bite back. ✿✿✿ ACHIEVEMENTS: 🏅ONC Round One Winner, Ambassador's Pick & Shortlister WARNING: There is occasional swearing, some gore, and lots of laughs. You have been warned.

My Wattpad Story by EthanEzekiel

"Hello, my name is Barbara Robinson and I am a sixteen year old girl. And I really hate to admit this, but I am fat. Anyway, I live in this big town called Wattpadville. I study in a school called Wattpad High School. I'm just a normal heavy teenage girl, you know. But my friends aren't normal. My life isn't normal. Nothing is normal in Wattpadville." No truer words have been spoken than this. Join Barbara in her roller coaster journey as she meets the love of her life along with a few murders and magic on the way. But be warned - you've read it all before! This is a satirical parody that pokes fun at all the cliché, annoying stories in Wattpad that makes you roll your eyes and pull your hair. Note : Parental advisory. Explicit content. Enjoy reading!

Life After Death by h1gh_3nough

"I hate everyone." "Except me, right?" "No, especially you." ⎻⎻⎻⎻⎻⎻⎻⎻⎻⎻ It's funny, isn't it? That when the whole world decides to become infected with a brutal and fatal virus, the real monsters are the ones still alive? Blake Finnegan lost most of his life before the apocalypse anyway. So for him, it's no problem. But can a group of four just as tormented teenagers change his perspective? ⎻⎻⎻⎻⎻⎻⎻⎻⎻⎻ "Genies grant three." "I'll take three." I shrug. "Two." He bargains. "Three." I say sterner. "One." He couldn't look any more relaxed. I almost take up his earlier offer on two. Almost. I'm still too stubborn. "Five." I cross my own arms, covered in dirt. "I-" He stutters, "You're going backwards."

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Slide 1 of 10

Zombie Fieldtrip cover

The Walkers [editing] cover

Becoming Them: A Zombie Novel cover

The Last Coors Banquet in the Valley | Lawrusso cover

the womb's undoing cover

BETTER SAFE THAN ZOMBIE cover

Love Bitez cover

My Wattpad Story cover

Life After Death cover

Zombie Fieldtrip

four quirky best friend + three seemingly useless (but cute) boys + the most popular guy in school turned zombie + a stoner found hiding in a cupboard = a surprisingly efficient rat-tag group of zombie slayers on their way up the east coast of australia to their safe haven. Some of them may have biceps for brains, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. BEWARE: excessive amounts of pop culture references, bad jokes and zombie guts ahead. (PLEASE NOTE: I wrote this from 2014-2016 when I was 14-16, it has never been edited and was written on a whim with no planning. I hope it's still enjoyable but be mindful it is an old book!) #Wattys2016 [action #25]