... And A Shiny New Sword - The Tale of Garbus the Malcontent - Mike MacColin - Wattpad

... And A Shiny New Sword - The Tale of Garbus the Malcontent

Reads 75
Votes 7
Parts 9
Time 1h 1m

Reads 75
Votes 7
Parts 9
Time 1h 1m

Mature

adventure bard comedy dragon group hero high-fantasy magic quest warrior

He saved the princess from a fire-breathing dragon. He slew demons with his sword. He single-handedly drove the armies of eternal darkness from the doorstep of his king. But when Garbus, the warrior, returns to the king for his reward, all he gets from the nitwit is a worthless sword and a bag with a hundred gold pieces. "Enough is enough," Garbus tells himself - and sets out to take over the kingdom for himself. A witty bard, a professional "damsel in distress" and several other colorful individuals accompany him on his quest which will turn out to be less heroic and more absurd.

"Conan The Barbarian" meets "Tropic Thunder" in this humorous take on epic fantasy tales and tropes.

WARNING: Rated mature for strong language, gratuitous violence, sexual innuendos, alcohol abuse and overall questionable behavior.

Rated immature for humor and stupidity.All Rights Reserved

adventure bard comedy dragon group hero high-fantasy magic quest warrior

Table of contents

9 parts

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'Broken Image' ♡ (MXM) ♡ by Fangkun6

(This is targeted for people 16+) "Same with hurting you. Or marking you.." He slid his arm gently down to his back, closing his hand around a bruise that lay on the hero's waist. The hero flinched at the action, still keeping his lips sealed. "I can be the only one capable of doing it.." "Your fucking crazy..." The hero sighed with a bit of fear hidden in his tone. The man smiled with the description, turning his head in the direction of Oxzy's ear, he spoke with a sweet voice. "I can make you go even crazier than me Ox..." ------- A hero and a villain in the same low-profile town, they battle. One protecting, one destroying. The town tries to break them apart, but instead... They grow closer. The hateful and spiteful relationship can only last for so long. So long until it becomes something that can be remotely called anything like love. Love that ends up revolving around trauma and the hindering of emotions. The hero will run, and the villain will follow. ------- WARNING: - Mature & sexual content on certain chapters, - A r*pe scene;(DO NOT ROMANTICIZE) - Sexual assault, - A toxic relationship & characters, - Real like trauma scenarios, - Death, - Gore, (excessive blood description 😅)

Of Blood and Duty by WhiteGoldFangs

Wattpad Exclusive! Nearly beaten to death, a man wakes up in a place he does not know. Neither can he remember how he even ended up there. Waking up in the middle of a road he discovers a world of pain only to drift off into unconsciousness again. His body having been crushed and broken beyond his wildest dreams. Falling out of consciousness from the pain, he later wakes up in a bed. A new place he does not know, but being looked after by someone. A woman. Why was he in the care of this beautiful but strange person? How had he ended up in her care? Why had she taken him in and why was she and everyone else so guarded around him? Determined to make his way back home, wherever that may be, the man soon realizes that things are not as easy as he first had thought. Learning to fit in with the people who took him in at the brink of death, he learns that a war is raging between two kingdoms, and which one he belongs to, he cannot remember... if he belongs with to any of them. All he has to remind him of his life before is a sword with a crest of two lions on its pommel... and a woman named Jade who screams for him in his sleep. This is a spin off of The Prince's Choice and Hunted Queen. I recommend reading those two before this one to get the best experience possible!

The Girl He Loves So Much by shikagupta170

Suddenly I turned around. And I shouted loudly. Mr. Devil is standing there staring at me and narrowing his eyebrows. What the hell he is doing. I'm in the towel. You ,what are you doing here. Damian - I could ask the same thing. Angelina - I grabbed the flower vase. What are you doing in my room. Damian - that flower vase costs more money than you have ever seen in your life. I advise you to put it down. Angelina- I kept it down. His eyes are traveling through my length of my body. I feel naked under his gaze. I cleared my throat. Now tell me why you are here. Suddenly a book fallen from his hands. It's from my favorite novel. I didn't no you read. Damian - a lot of things you don't know about me. Angelina -he started walking closer to me. And I stepped back and I hitted the counter. Our bodies are only few inches away. He whispered in my ear. For instance someone probably more.... Dressed. Shit !the towel. I cleared my throat. I should get dressed. He putted his hands on the kitchen counter leaning towards me as my breath quickens and heart is racing from the proximity of my body. He winked and said you should... Yes.. And why I am not moving. Damian - is there any problem, Ms. Angelina. Angelina- no Damian - but you are blushing. Angelina - and I hate myself for that. I slightly pushed him. Please you are too close to me. Damian - am I making you uncomfortable angelina What happens if two different personalities meet. Will they stay or apart. Read it further to know the story. And I promise it is a beautiful love story. Will they fall in love ? Will his opinion changes regarding women? Will he finally gets his broken princess or destiny plays it's part? Read it further to know this beautiful story and experience the greatest romance between them ..........

Zensuon: Crystal Age by Aridos_Ardilos

In a world where money can buy you literal power. A young halfling is out on the run for a crime he (probably) didn't commit. Joined by what seems to be a dim-witted orc, the duo has to brave various forces craving a powerful artifact known as the 'Grand Baetylus', a piece of crystalized magic so big that it can supposedly manifest any wish a person wants- if they know how to use it. Although, one wonders, when given access to such power and money, what does one oft do with them? [Very few chapters might be worth the Mature rating due to overly gorey and graphic writing. No sexual content or anything (unless you find that sexual, no kink shaming)]

A Terra Tale: A Trip to the Mohrg by NickPaschall

What makes a hero? Valorous deeds that aid all of the people of the world, right? We know of the legends the bards tell every night in taverns across the wide world of Terra, but they speak of nobility, and grand acts of wisdom and acts worthy of song. What if real heroes weren't like that? Enter Terrra, a world where heroes are just like you and I, save for the fact they can battle fearsome undead and monstrous demons and not soil themselves. Well, they might do that last part too... but they save the day, in the end, right? Read this if you wish to see what the bard's cut out when composing their next epic poem...

The Last Knights of Cambria Book 3: Promises of Wizards by kullman

Gideon Saint is fairly certain Saxon bowmen are more agreeable than Year 10s. Life is going good, or at least okay. He's surviving British public school, newly emancipated from his parents, and in his spare time he and his Welsh friends are surviving as rebels. But they can't forever, and King Henry is proposing a bargain. In return for Gideon's help against the French, namely Joan of Arc, England will grant Wales some level of independence. But Joan of Arc is a formidable adversary, and Gideon is well aware King Henry is not to be trusted. The fate of Wales hangs in the balance. Ahem, living people die, dying people live, Henry V is here and he's awesome despite being the main antagonist, everybody is probably gay, swords are described in loving detail, people are not, lovely platonic friendships, did we mention swords? Chaos. Adventure. Invading France. Yes, you may learn something about history, but that's a risk you'll have to take. Trigger/Content: some violence, fantasy violence, and peril. Brief profanity, adoption issues/family issues discussed.

𝔏𝔢𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔡 𝔬𝔣 𝔗𝔢𝔯𝔯𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔩 ✓ by _WishUpon_

When three friends discover a cave, they had no idea that it would lead them to a whole other world filled with magic and enchantment. Working together with a fierce thief, strange mystic, and gentle healer, can the six team up to save the world of dragons? Find out in the Legend of Terradel *Creds to Rinmaru who created the game and artwork for the mega fantasy avatar creator I used for the characters* Posted: June 12, 2017-November 7, 2017 Edited: April 19, 2018-April 25, 2018 Highest Ranking #250 in comedy-romance Amazing cover, chapter breaks, and banner by avadel

The lost prince by AineMax

"It is time for you to find a suitable lady to marry, don't you think?", my mother comments. Our feast has nearley started and I have already had enough. "Not something I occupy myself thinking about.", I comment, not sure if the told lie was for her, or for me. "Stark girl is looking for a husband. Talissa, if I remember correctly. I think she would be a good fit for you.", she persists and I chuckle, "A good fir for me yet you barely know her name." She opens her mouth to speak but I decide to put a stop to this annoying conversation, "A wife is something I do not need nor desire at this moment. If my dearest sister becomes queen my martial status will be the last thing to keep you up at night." My mother looks at me, "That won't happen, I assure you." Helaena touches mothers hand, taking her attention away from me. I tab my middle finger on the wooden table a few times, lifting my eye to find the person that has been, to my discomfort, taking a fraction of my mind lately. She's talking to Damon, a smile painted across her face as she rests her chin on her hand, carefully listening to him talking. It took some time before her eyes swiftly shifted from his face to mine and the realization of me looking made her drop her arm and straighten up in her seat. My attention made her visibly nervous. Few moments later she stood up and, without thinking, my body did the same. I start walking, making sure I don't loose her in the crowd. I am playing a dangerous game but it is something I simply can not seem to resist. ***** When Damon Targen finds an old broken amulet at his deceased grandmothers house, he asks his friend and co-worker Emma for help in finding more about it, but what they discover will lead them down the complicated path of his family tree and history, eventually getting them trapped in a world they know little about ...a world where war is about to break out and every small move you make decides if you will live or die.

Flight of the Gazebo by KentSilverhill

Drome isn't paranoid. The entire world really is out to get him. And that world isn't even Earth. It's a weird hollow world that his whole village ends up in through a thaumaturgic accident. And to make matters worse, as soon as they arrive he's taken hostage. If the creatures who abducted him, and took him to the Imperial Palace, don't kill him first, there's a queue of hostiles, sharpening their knives, right behind them. Luckily Drome escapes with the help of a living skeleton, but that relationship is more than a little strained by Drome's unerring ability to annoy everyone he meets. Getting back to his village won't be easy, seeing as he's not even sure where it is. But he needs to return quickly and warn them of the homicidal imperial troops on their way to wipe out every person in it. That's if someone else doesn't kill him first.

Half Of The Mafia Man (COMPLETED) by AuthoressKay

"You have to tell me everything," he said and released my hand. Stupid man, he did that on purpose. "You have no power over me. I don't owe you shit," before I could say anything more, he pinned me onto the bed and wrapped his other hand around my neck. "Are you sure about that?" he asked and I tried to move away from him but he draped his left leg over my right leg and squeezed a bit harder on my pipes. Without thinking about anything, I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him closer to me. ************************************* Willow gets married to the third top mafia leader from Roseedge. She had her reasons for agreeing to the marriage. The top one was for something that her father, the American-Italian mafia leader couldn't provide her with. Protection. She didn't expect to fall in love with the mafia leader, who is leading the third party. No one did. But then the word love gets thrown around in her life. What happens when she starts to have target after target on her back? Will her husband protect her, or will he let her fend for herself? _______________________________ Started: 10/11/20 Completed: 17/03/21 Fully edited:12/10/22

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Slide 1 of 10

'Broken Image' ♡ (MXM) ♡ cover

Of Blood and Duty cover

The Girl He Loves So Much cover

Zensuon: Crystal Age cover

A Terra Tale: A Trip to the Mohrg cover

The Last Knights of Cambria Book 3: Promises of Wizards cover

𝔏𝔢𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔡 𝔬𝔣 𝔗𝔢𝔯𝔯𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔩 ✓ cover

The lost prince cover

Flight of the Gazebo cover

Half Of The Mafia Man (COMPLETED) cover

'Broken Image' ♡ (MXM) ♡

(This is targeted for people 16+) "Same with hurting you. Or marking you.." He slid his arm gently down to his back, closing his hand around a bruise that lay on the hero's waist. The hero flinched at the action, still keeping his lips sealed. "I can be the only one capable of doing it.." "Your fucking crazy..." The hero sighed with a bit of fear hidden in his tone. The man smiled with the description, turning his head in the direction of Oxzy's ear, he spoke with a sweet voice. "I can make you go even crazier than me Ox..." ------- A hero and a villain in the same low-profile town, they battle. One protecting, one destroying. The town tries to break them apart, but instead... They grow closer. The hateful and spiteful relationship can only last for so long. So long until it becomes something that can be remotely called anything like love. Love that ends up revolving around trauma and the hindering of emotions. The hero will run, and the villain will follow. ------- WARNING: - Mature & sexual content on certain chapters, - A r*pe scene;(DO NOT ROMANTICIZE) - Sexual assault, - A toxic relationship & characters, - Real like trauma scenarios, - Death, - Gore, (excessive blood description 😅)