... And A Shiny New Sword - The Tale of Garbus the Malcontent - Mike MacColin - Wattpad

... And A Shiny New Sword - The Tale of Garbus the Malcontent

Reads 77
Votes 7
Parts 9
Time 1h 1m

Reads 77
Votes 7
Parts 9
Time 1h 1m

Mature

adventure bard comedy dragon group hero high-fantasy magic quest warrior

He saved the princess from a fire-breathing dragon. He slew demons with his sword. He single-handedly drove the armies of eternal darkness from the doorstep of his king. But when Garbus, the warrior, returns to the king for his reward, all he gets from the nitwit is a worthless sword and a bag with a hundred gold pieces. "Enough is enough," Garbus tells himself - and sets out to take over the kingdom for himself. A witty bard, a professional "damsel in distress" and several other colorful individuals accompany him on his quest which will turn out to be less heroic and more absurd.

"Conan The Barbarian" meets "Tropic Thunder" in this humorous take on epic fantasy tales and tropes.

WARNING: Rated mature for strong language, gratuitous violence, sexual innuendos, alcohol abuse and overall questionable behavior.

Rated immature for humor and stupidity.All Rights Reserved

adventure bard comedy dragon group hero high-fantasy magic quest warrior

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9 parts

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Dragons N' Dungeon Crawlers Vol1 by Nolsba

Once upon a time there was a city. From beneath which sprung a world. An entire world beneath the world. And thus...drawn in by its allure people from across the world gather together--welding a power bestowed upon them by the very gods themselves-- to slake their thirst for adventure. Hone your skills! Face off against foreign creatures from below! Gather your allies and plot a course for the deepest depths! Work your way to stardom! To see the unknown, to hear the unheard-of, to travel the uncharted! ...but beware the depths may be more than you bargained for. Aspirations. A dragon. A massacre. The simple story of a boy who somehow managed to beat a dragon. Starts here.

Draconic Sphere Ω by SophiaRHass

Brunhild came to Aqua Profunda to escape the suffocating confines of dwarven clan and family life. There she found the adventurer's guild Feenschwanz, and new friends: Kaergat, also a dwarf and more to the point, an overly sober runic mage; and Dandelion, a party loving halfling who is sometimes sober for almost a whole morning. Brunhild thought that a life of adventure sounded romantic. Kaergat just wanted a place to stay in town and ended up at the adventurer's guild. Dandelion is just about up for anything. Somehow, they all stumble into a war between gods, take a stand against fascism (orcs are people too!), go thousands of years into the future and back -- and realise that they may be the only people who can lift the terrible curse burdening a suffering and forgotten people. Based on the nuttiest -- and only -- Dungeons and Dragons campaign I ever ran. I let my Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams inspired sense of humour run wild, while still trying to create meaningful and deep moments. Laughs and feelings guaranteed! Angel photo credit to Cosmin Gurau on Unsplash

Of Blood and Duty by WhiteGoldFangs

Wattpad Exclusive! Nearly beaten to death, a man wakes up in a place he does not know. Neither can he remember how he even ended up there. Waking up in the middle of a road he discovers a world of pain only to drift off into unconsciousness again. His body having been crushed and broken beyond his wildest dreams. Falling out of consciousness from the pain, he later wakes up in a bed. A new place he does not know, but being looked after by someone. A woman. Why was he in the care of this beautiful but strange person? How had he ended up in her care? Why had she taken him in and why was she and everyone else so guarded around him? Determined to make his way back home, wherever that may be, the man soon realizes that things are not as easy as he first had thought. Learning to fit in with the people who took him in at the brink of death, he learns that a war is raging between two kingdoms, and which one he belongs to, he cannot remember... if he belongs with to any of them. All he has to remind him of his life before is a sword with a crest of two lions on its pommel... and a woman named Jade who screams for him in his sleep. This is a spin off of The Prince's Choice and Hunted Queen. I recommend reading those two before this one to get the best experience possible!

The Fourth Horseman by SheRexx

I was falling, cascading into the dark chasm of sin and desire. I was unhinged, wild and free, giving in to everything I wanted. I would not hold back tonight. I wanted to fuck him over and over, anywhere and everywhere. Taste him and kiss him. Completely surround myself with only Jay. I will do it all with Jay tonight and every night forward. I am his queen, his weakness, his carnal transgression. I will take him as my own and ride out this delusion with him come what may. A tiny voice in the back of my mind was scolding, cursing, pleading at me to come to my senses, realize the mistakes I was making and the repercussions I would face. I suffocated the whispers, murdered my rational logic in that moment. Death was swift for the girl in my mind looking down with a frown on my actions. I laughed again, knowing this would be my undoing, enjoying the unraveling of my sanity, leaving it in shards on the ground. Because I had made up my mind. I won't let go. ****TRIGGER ⚠️ WARNING This book contains mature content; including language, violence, sexual content, drugs and alcohol and a near rape scenario. There will be no other warning throughout. Thank you for reading!

My Fucked Up Fairytale by pinenutters

TEASER: "No fiancée of mine needs to learn how to fight." His breath flows upon the prickling skin of my neck. I close my eyes, involuntarily shuddering in response. "All you need to know how to do is satisfy me." "How exactly am I supposed to satisfy you?" The answer to such a question is obvious, yet, like the idiot I am, I still asked him. "Blood...and of course, other means." BLURB: Cyra is pulled into a foreign world where humans are rarities while vampires, elves, werewolves, witches, and more strange creatures are the norm. That's the least of her worries though. Now the bride of one of the most powerful vampires in all of the kingdom, she is faced with two choices. One: give in and accept her doomed future with a husband who detests humans, or two: successfully kill him before he is crowned King of Bestias. WARNING: This story contains scenes involving sexual assault/harassment. The chapters containing these potentially triggering subjects all have warnings at the start of them! Please read at your own discretion! RANKINGS: ⭐️#3 in adult - 12/28/23 ⭐️#9 in werewolf - 12/28/23 ⭐️ #4 in mature audience - 4/2/24 ⭐️ #1 in werewolfandvampire -5/27/24 ⭐️ #10 in unrequitedlove - 8/2/24 ⭐️ #1 in adultsituations - 8/5/24 ⭐️ #10 in -romance - 1/4/25

Stuck In Hell With My Enemy by Toxiic_Lay

"What the fuck is your problem?" I asked my sworn enemy. "Have you lost your damn mind!" I scream at the top of my lungs. This bitch better answer me before I lose my shit. "HELLOO!" I get closer this time. Now I'm directly in his face screaming at him. "WILL YOU FUCKING AN- mmfp." I was suddenly cut off by his lips on mine. He pushed his tongue into my mouth, exploring every inch like he's starving. He lets me go and I have to gasp in order to catch my breath. I already know my face is flushed and red. "Are you done princess?" He asked in his dark gravely tone. Dammit if he doesn't stop with this princess thing I think I may fall in love. "Yes, now what the fuck was that for?" I took a step back, so he doesn't decide to just kiss me again. I can't do that again. I am almost one hundred percent sure my panties are soaked. "You were talking too much." Then he just walked away. God he's such an asshole! ~*~ Clara is stuck in this hell hole of a place because of the fact that her parents are blackmailing her to stay. Will she be able to find love here with a certain Kylo Miller or will she push him away because she's scared of being hurt again? I guess we'll find out together. ~*~ THIS BOOK WILL CONTAIN: Mature language Mature themes Explicit sexual scenes Mentions of death Mentions of Eating disorders

The lost prince by AineMax

"It is time for you to find a suitable lady to marry, don't you think?", my mother comments. Our feast has nearley started and I have already had enough. "Not something I occupy myself thinking about.", I comment, not sure if the told lie was for her, or for me. "Stark girl is looking for a husband. Talissa, if I remember correctly. I think she would be a good fit for you.", she persists and I chuckle, "A good fir for me yet you barely know her name." She opens her mouth to speak but I decide to put a stop to this annoying conversation, "A wife is something I do not need nor desire at this moment. If my dearest sister becomes queen my martial status will be the last thing to keep you up at night." My mother looks at me, "That won't happen, I assure you." Helaena touches mothers hand, taking her attention away from me. I tab my middle finger on the wooden table a few times, lifting my eye to find the person that has been, to my discomfort, taking a fraction of my mind lately. She's talking to Damon, a smile painted across her face as she rests her chin on her hand, carefully listening to him talking. It took some time before her eyes swiftly shifted from his face to mine and the realization of me looking made her drop her arm and straighten up in her seat. My attention made her visibly nervous. Few moments later she stood up and, without thinking, my body did the same. I start walking, making sure I don't loose her in the crowd. I am playing a dangerous game but it is something I simply can not seem to resist. ***** When Damon Targen finds an old broken amulet at his deceased grandmothers house, he asks his friend and co-worker Emma for help in finding more about it, but what they discover will lead them down the complicated path of his family tree and history, eventually getting them trapped in a world they know little about ...a world where war is about to break out and every small move you make decides if you will live or die.

'Broken Image' ♡ (MXM) ♡ by Fangkun6

(This is targeted for people 16+) "Same with hurting you. Or marking you.." He slid his arm gently down to his back, closing his hand around a bruise that lay on the hero's waist. The hero flinched at the action, still keeping his lips sealed. "I can be the only one capable of doing it.." "Your fucking crazy..." The hero sighed with a bit of fear hidden in his tone. The man smiled with the description, turning his head in the direction of Oxzy's ear, he spoke with a sweet voice. "I can make you go even crazier than me Ox..." ------- A hero and a villain in the same low-profile town, they battle. One protecting, one destroying. The town tries to break them apart, but instead... They grow closer. The hateful and spiteful relationship can only last for so long. So long until it becomes something that can be remotely called anything like love. Love that ends up revolving around trauma and the hindering of emotions. The hero will run, and the villain will follow. ------- WARNING: - Mature & sexual content on certain chapters, - A r*pe scene;(DO NOT ROMANTICIZE) - Sexual assault, - A toxic relationship & characters, - Real like trauma scenarios, - Death, - Gore, (excessive blood description 😅)

A Terra Tale: A Trip to the Mohrg by NickPaschall

What makes a hero? Valorous deeds that aid all of the people of the world, right? We know of the legends the bards tell every night in taverns across the wide world of Terra, but they speak of nobility, and grand acts of wisdom and acts worthy of song. What if real heroes weren't like that? Enter Terrra, a world where heroes are just like you and I, save for the fact they can battle fearsome undead and monstrous demons and not soil themselves. Well, they might do that last part too... but they save the day, in the end, right? Read this if you wish to see what the bard's cut out when composing their next epic poem...

Half Of The Mafia Man (COMPLETED) by AuthoressKay

"You have to tell me everything," he said and released my hand. Stupid man, he did that on purpose. "You have no power over me. I don't owe you shit," before I could say anything more, he pinned me onto the bed and wrapped his other hand around my neck. "Are you sure about that?" he asked and I tried to move away from him but he draped his left leg over my right leg and squeezed a bit harder on my pipes. Without thinking about anything, I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him closer to me. ************************************* Willow gets married to the third top mafia leader from Roseedge. She had her reasons for agreeing to the marriage. The top one was for something that her father, the American-Italian mafia leader couldn't provide her with. Protection. She didn't expect to fall in love with the mafia leader, who is leading the third party. No one did. But then the word love gets thrown around in her life. What happens when she starts to have target after target on her back? Will her husband protect her, or will he let her fend for herself? _______________________________ Started: 10/11/20 Completed: 17/03/21 Fully edited:12/10/22

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Slide 1 of 10

Dragons N' Dungeon Crawlers Vol1 cover

Draconic Sphere Ω cover

Of Blood and Duty cover

The Fourth Horseman cover

My Fucked Up Fairytale cover

Stuck In Hell With My Enemy cover

The lost prince cover

'Broken Image' ♡ (MXM) ♡ cover

A Terra Tale: A Trip to the Mohrg cover

Half Of The Mafia Man (COMPLETED) cover

Dragons N' Dungeon Crawlers Vol1

Once upon a time there was a city. From beneath which sprung a world. An entire world beneath the world. And thus...drawn in by its allure people from across the world gather together--welding a power bestowed upon them by the very gods themselves-- to slake their thirst for adventure. Hone your skills! Face off against foreign creatures from below! Gather your allies and plot a course for the deepest depths! Work your way to stardom! To see the unknown, to hear the unheard-of, to travel the uncharted! ...but beware the depths may be more than you bargained for. Aspirations. A dragon. A massacre. The simple story of a boy who somehow managed to beat a dragon. Starts here.