Hatred
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WpMetadataNoticeLast published Wed, Apr 24, 2024
Hatred... Hatred was all I felt the day I lost it all. Hatred towards myself, Hatred towards others, Hatred towards the world and situation I had found myself in. My life wasn't always so bad or horrible. In fact I always thought I had it easier than most. Sure it sucked sometimes and I did sometimes have to lower my self respect in order to get food... I dumpster dived for food sometimes. But it wasn't always horrible. I still did my best to find the silver lining in everything I came across. But things that day were different. I was struggling really badly. Like nothing I was doing for those around me was ever good enough. They nitpicked at every little thing I did wrong. The dishes weren't done the way they wanted them done. Dinner wasn't seasoned right. I wasn't being productive enough for their liking. I didn't follow their instructions correctly. Or even the fact that I backsassed them far too much when all they wanted out of me was a "Yes Ma'am" or a "Right away Ma'am". But that wasn't me. Being perfectly obedient while still maintaining my humanity and not making myself a slave wasn't easy. It wasn't who I was. But everything changed one night. I had gotten into a big blow out argument with my roommates. They hauled off with the line of "It's my House and if you don't like it then Leave!" so that's exactly what I did. I left what major amount of money I had left, Behind in an Envelope addressed to them with a goodbye letter. I packed my clothes and journal in my backpack and I left. I just started walking. My phone fully charged and music blaring in my ears. If I really wasn't good enough then there was no reason for them to chase me down or come looking for me. Regardless of their self acclaimed love. Right? I walked for what felt like hours. Only stopping to charge my phone at small outside outlets in the darkness of back alleys and other dark spots where an Outside outlet worked. I was in one of these alleys when I met ... Him ...
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I didn't ask to be born into this world, none of us did but we make the best of it. I'm a twenty-five year old single man. Why you may ask? Because I've seen what love can do to a person. It can destroy them. My parent's are amazing but I can still remember the time's my father threatened to kill my mother, left us due to his mental illness. Besides who needs one main women when I can have a different one under me every night, money to blow and fast cars. I'm just enjoying my time until I take my Papes place at the throne. Most nights are spent living it up with my cousins who are my only friends. However there is the one girl that has caught my eye and I don't know why. I first spotted her at a random coffee house I stepped into. Usually I'm very talkative especially when I'm trying to snag a chic but I couldn't utter a word to her. I barely managed to place my order. Now, I find myself going out of my way to stop by that coffee shop everyday. It doesn't matter that it's out of my way. The only thing that matters is that I see her. I knew I could take her if I really wanted to but I can't make myself to do it. She sees me enter and shoots me that amazing smile and prepares my order without even asking what I want, she knows. She'll offer a greeting but all I can do is nod my head. She makes me lose my word's. Deep in my mind I wonder if she could be the one that could change my mind on love and that scares me. For now I'm satisfied at seeing her for the few minutes it takes to get my coffee. Besides I'm a killer, a future mob king and she's this delicate flower that wouldn't understand my world. It's best to cut my loses and move on. If only I knew her name..

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