Something in the Orange

a fic i started on ao3. I havent updated in months. lowkey forgot about it for a while, but im hoping that crossposting it here will make me want to continue it bc ive been debating abandoning it.
Im @The_crzy_crnbrry on Ao3. This is MY fic, I am allowed to repost it. Not you<3

this will trigger people.
trigger warnings: Self harm, suicidal ideation/attempts, recreation marijuana usage, general anxiety, descriptions on panic attacks/PTSD/in depth self deprecation don't read if you are sensitive to these subjects. New tags may be added or taken, this is still in the works, and I have no clue where I'm going with this. Also I plan on posting this to my tumblr idk when tho lolol)
Also not entirely familiar with dead dove do not eat but Google said it means a way to tell readers to take tas srsly, I took it literally bc I'm #autistic lol
Also, I'm shitty at remembering to write and have motivation so don't expect frequent updates. Not abandoned, I promise. I will tell you if I do, so if I haven't it isnt

"I've always been the happy one. I try my best to be positive, and see through the gnawing gaps of despair caused by the aftermath of what happened, but fuck if it isn't hard. I truly try to be as happy as I was when I was younger. But it seems like ever since Mayhem (I love him, truly I do) came about, everythings gone downhill. Time continues to pass me by and no matter what I do it's never enough.
I'm not enough. "

A/N:
I just realised i never told yall the hc im using for this lmfao-
Raph: Transfem (she/they) sapphic asexual
leo: transmasc (he/Him) bisexual
Donnie: agender (They/it) biromantic demisexual
Mikey: genderfluid (he/she/they) panromantic greysexual and mayyybbbeee poly (?????)
and before yall go like bUt iF mIkEyS hAvInG sEx FoR dRuGs hE cAnT bE aCe SpEc- Shut up. shut tf up i dont give a fuck. theres such thing as using sex as a form of self harm, and you will see how this is prevelent later. suck my big fat wang.