First Love(onhold)

I must have been mistaken. All these years I looked back on you as my ‘first love’ how wrong was I? I had mistaken the longing to ‘right’ unfinished business with “love.” We didn’t have enough “memories” to establish love, yet I so foolishly used that word towards you. When I think about it I realize that I wouldn’t do much for you, I wouldn’t go to the ends of the earth for you - I never had the urge to do what I’ve done for him for you. I’m so angry at myself for telling myself that you were my first love, I’ve never thought that for anyone, so why did it have to be you? I’m so mad at myself, how did I not think it through? You were just unfinished business, something I never saw accomplished. The fact that the loss of you has no impact on me (besides the fact that I feel like puking at the thought of you, yes that includes right now) tells me that it was something that just needed to be dealt with. Those memories weren’t ‘happy’ memories - they were insufficient memories - and that is why I mistakenly, oh so mistakenly, envisioned you to be my first love. That’s not the case at all because I have found a person who I would give the world to and that’s so definitely is not you.