God of Envy

ILYA LEVITSKY & MAYA SOKOLOV

Do you know that urge to vanish, to simply cease to exist, not out of a desire for nothingness, but to spare others the burden you fear you've become? Yet, you hesitate, knowing that your disappearance might be the ultimate inconvenience-a role you've inadvertently perfected over a lifetime.

Or do you know about the unsettling suspicion when you long for someone's affection, and they echo your sentiments, but a silent voice within you casts doubts. Perhaps they don't long for you, as you do for them?

That's the turmoil I'm wading through, a maelstrom of emotions that's been brewing for some time. It's a deluge that overwhelms me daily, each breath a struggle. The faces of those I've inadvertently harmed seem to flicker in the shadows, their expressions unreadable. I'm yearning for redemption, to right my wrongs but the fear grips me-what if there is no absolution? Not because it doesn't exist, but because it's being withheld from me?