I don't know where this ends, but I think I'll keep going - WCDukes - Wattpad

I don't know where this ends, but I think I'll keep going

Reads 116
Votes 83
Parts 10
Time 44m

Reads 116
Votes 83
Parts 10
Time 44m

bonkers dontquityourdayjob getalife satire surreal twisted wtf

For fans of Jason Pargin AKA David Wong, Jack Townsend, and that weird kid who talks shit which no one listens to but won't stop talking about online while hating on him. The world has sunk lower than a stripper ant who can pick up crumbs bent over backwards. No one wants to be President so they are picked by lottery. The winner always is a loser usually assassinated the first week in office. Ned, a failed gambler and POTUS 1,000,000 decides  to beat the odds by implanting a detonator in his chest which will trigger a nuclear apocalypse when his heart stops ticking. He gives everyone a choice: you can either enter his virtual town of Nedville where you can blissfully live out your days  doing nothing or you can spend the rest of your life empty the bedpans of Nedville's citizens. Now Ed is on life support! It's up to Randy, the G.O.A.T.I.E (Greatest of All Time In Everything) and his on/off again girlfriend, Alias, uber superstar of the band, Trinity, to enter Nedville and defuse the situation. The only problem is, they hate each other. Includes original lyrics you are invited to set to music (seriously, I'm an old dude who can't play an instrument either. Taylor Swift, make yourself useful!)All Rights Reserved

bonkers dontquityourdayjob getalife satire surreal twisted wtf

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Fiona (Book 1) by TheColoredGirl17

"I'm Pregnant," I told the man who was the closest person I had to a friend in this office. Nathaniel Taylor who thinks I'm a talented creator here at the company. He's kind, supportive, and loved by everyone in the company. So when telling him this news I hope this doesn't get too ugly. He finally looks up from his files. His blue eyes were warm and inviting, rising from his seat he comes around to hug me tightly. "Congratulations. Are you here to discuss maternal leave or something? Why are you coming up to me with this?" Okay, I'm confused, "Umm sir... the child is yours." He backs up in shock. Stuffing his hands in his pockets he avoids eye contact. "The kid isn't mine. We haven't slept together. Believe me, I would've remembered. I don't forget women I've slept with." He simply puts going back to his desk, sitting down and filing through papers. Mortified I go to turn around to be stopped by his following words. "You must've slept with my twin brother Seth. And this isn't to scare you but... We buried his 4th wife last week."

Dark at Midnight ~*BOOK ONE*~ by xXdArKbuNNyXx

What would you do when you wake up on your birthday to find your parents gone? Midnight didn't know how to react. Men came for her and she listened to her only instincts: run and hide! And that's what she did for the rest of her life. In a town she meets special people and then They come. What does she do when she wants to save the people she cares about? She does what she does best, she runs.

Sweet Poison by EnchantingWords

What happens when you accidentally clash with the scariest thing in your life? A killer? No. A zombie? Think again. A vampire? Worst. Michael Myers? Pft, you wish. London Peters is the type of girl to get along with everybody, well almost. There is a certain group of people that she steers clear of. Why, is she afraid? On the contrary, they should watch out for her. She's not the 'beware' type but you do not want to get on her bad side. Is she in love with one of them? Not in a million years. Who are we even talking about? Oh yeah, The Venomous Six. The Venomous Six is a group of the school's bad boys. The guys hate them but secretly admire them. The girls die for their attention. All but one, London Peters. Hate is too weak a word to describe her dislike to this elite group of guys. Unbeknownst to them she knows their dirty little secret. Why does she avoid them? Besides her hatred she does not want to be lured into their trap like all the other girls. Oh, did I forget to mention they are the six hottest guys in school. She is certain she will never fall for one of them that would be her nightmare come to life. London thinks she's stayed under the radar but what she doesn't know is that The Venomous Six know about her. I mean how could you not know the only girl that does not fawn over them. To her disgrace, Aiden, the leader, is very much attracted to her. What happens when fate puts these two together? Can London ignore the fire that Aiden seems to ignite? After all he is one tempting poisoned apple. Will she have a taste of this Sweet Poison?

The Losers Club by PatrickkStumph

Mikey Way, Nichole Row, Awsten Knight, Ryan Ross, and the infamous Pete Wentz. The fabulous five. The rulers of highschool hallways. The untouchable ones. Mikey Way, one of the most popular kids at school, he could ruin your high school career, he's the class president, and his dad is the principal, rumor has it the voting was rigged so he could win like his older brother. Nichole Row, she's Mikey's step sister, she's the baby and she definitely acts like one. She's gets what she wants, always wearing the most expensive clothing on the market and drives a Porsche. She's the one the spread that rumor about Hayley Williams, the one that made her mute. You'll know the one. She hangs on her brother like a clingy girlfriend. Awsten Knight, the school slut, he sleeps with anyone. He also sells all sorts of drugs, things you never even heard before, he's dirty, but nobody would ever say that to his face, because he's actually put someone in the hospital. He and Nichole love to spread rumors about people. Ryan Ross, he's captain of the hockey team and a hot head, there was a rumour going around that he slept with Dan Keyes his Sophomore year, but that rumor quickly died, and if he hears that you repeated that rumor in the hallway. You best believe he'll be waiting for you after class. He'd rather kill himself then admit he likes men, pretty men like Awsten Knight. Pete Wentz, he's the son of the mayor and the boyfriend-ish of Nichole Row, they sleep around but in the end, belong to each other. Rumor has it that he's had his way with many highschool girls, varying between all ages. When parents went to sue, the charges were dropped every time. He will hurt you in more ways you could handle and nobody has crossed him and made it out alive. You understand now?

WEEDSTARS by FiddlesandScratches

3 different parts, 1 wholesome rated R story in play format. Lots of action and dialogue, little narration ------------------------------------------------------- [WARNING] THIS STORY IS FOR MATURE AUDIENCES WHO CAN HANDLE THE FOLLOWING TOPICS: SEX (LOTS), VIOLENCE, GORE, LANGUAGE, LOTS OF LANGUAGE, SO MUCH LANGUAGE IT'S NOT OK, RACISM, RACIST REMARKS, SLURS, SENSITIVE TOPICS, SENSITIVE JOKES, DARK JOKES AND REFERENCES YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND. THIS IS A SATIRICAL STORY NOT MEANT TO OFFEND ANYONE. ------------------------------------------------------- In an alternate reality semester 2 of Cherryton Academy starts up as a mysterious murder happens, Legless the protagonist, decides to figure out what is going on. In doing so he uncovers many secrets and becomes friends with many people. But the butterfly effect is just starting, nothing is normal when it comes to Weedstars (Names just in case) Legoshi - Legless Jack - Ladder Boi Juno - Jugs Pina - Penis Louis - Rouie? (with the question mark) Haru - Haircut Bill - Bill Williamson Durham - Flounder Miguno - Chex Collot - HipHop Ibuki - Itchy Agata - LionMaker Free - Fiddles Dolph - Scratches Cheif Lion - Queef Chief Mayor - Bimbo Mayor Tem - Ten Gon - C**t Principal Barite - Little S**t Cosmo - Runa? (also with question mark) Gohin - Panda Express Melon - Cantaloupe Ten - Yurigo and some original characters that you will find rather... interesting.

•○Jake snaps○•// TMF // SATIRE//☆☆ by M1N1RAT

▪︎□After the audio gets leaked Jake decides to take the matter into his own hands... Starting off with Drew. □▪︎ I cannot be held accountable for any psychological damage done to the reader, proceed with caution. (IF YOU CANT TELL THIS IS SATIRE AND I WILL NOT BE PAYING FOR YOU THERAPY) enjoy! ♡♡♡ We're currently on #2 in Satire woo that's cool😎😎🔥🐺 - September 23, 2024 wow.. we're #3 in satire😃😃 whatever its still good..😔😔🖤⛓⛓🥀🥀🐺- September 30, 2024 WERE #1 IN SATIRE WHAT THE HELL LETSS GOO❗❗😍😍😝😝🥰🔥🔥😎🐺- October 7, 2024

I Found the Babies by MinnieMeenyMinyMoe

Highest #1 - #babies #1 - #motherlove Terrence didn't waste a moment in pressing me up against the kitchen counter. "When..." He growled in my ear, "When we will be getting married, I will be your only king, do you get my point? Only one queen, no misters or mistresses. Just me, just you, and yeah, our babies." I shivered. ************************* Alyssa Reynolds found herself in a situation, while returning home from work, and she had three choices: 1. Simply walk away and forget that you ever heard the sound of wailing infants. 2. Call the police and inform them about the innocent wails. 3. Follow the sounds of the wails and take the matter in your hands, deciding what to do later. Being a kindhearted soul and a sucker for babies, she found herself choosing the third option, finding the two little lives. Two little lives that changed her whole life, her love life included. Her life now revolved around the babies as diapers, vomit and shit seemed to surround her. Just when she thought that now it's just her and the babies, her whole world flipped over and she found herself living under the same roof as the egotistical, obnoxious and hot-as-hell Terence Powers, the business tycoon who was not going to let the woman fend off for herself and the babies alone.

MANIPULATED Book B (Sequel to Tempted) by CorruptedN1ghtmare

IF YOU HAVE NOT READ "AREN'T YOU TEMPTED", PLEASE DO SO. AS THIS WILL MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE TO YOU WHATSOEVER. You decided to: let him go. Welcome back reader. So... You have decided to let Anti go. Interesting... Dont worry, if you want to change your mind after reading the description, you can. But as soon as you start to read the first chapter of any of the two books, your fate has been sealed. Like I said before: choose WISELY. But if you are fully convinced that this is the only way to go, then by all means, go forth on your journey. You let him go. And you start to regret it. You realize that you still love him. But at the same time, you have become very aware of your surroundings, checking your computer for any unnatural signs, looking behind your back as you walk down the street, and lock your bedroom door before you sleep. You feel Anti there watching you. It's quite annoying, but you cant help but get chills every time you think about what Anti said to you. "I not finished with you yet." What does he plan to do to you? Or a better question: what does HE plan to do with you? Turns out you just might be more valuable that you were said to be SAME WARNINGS GO FOR THIS BOOK ⚠️WARNING ⚠️ Contains strong language, blood, violence, ❌possible trigger warnings❌ And not-so-smut (yes its a thing because I invented it. It means there some smut but like nothing actually HAPPENING. At least not in writing...)

Crimes, Robbery's, and Detention. by TheMightyPay

.•*•. Book 2 ************************************************ People are gonna talk about us a lot, No Matter what we do. So We might as well do Whatever Brings us the Most Joy And Live our Best Lives. Unknown. ************************************************* The many Crimes of Polly "Po", and her partner in crime, Elizabeth (Liz.) Sometimes accompanied or hindered by Jason, the dishwasher at "Mocks Orphanage for the Lonely". Experience first hand as The Girls blow up a mall, play a prank on the Mean Girls (they had it coming to them,) Po continues to refuse to enter a school building, Elizabeth steals a Semi-Truck, Jason accidentally pulls Po into a ocean, Po finds a very mysterious key under her bed, and many more thrilling, irresistible adventures!! From Halloween to Christmas-a Telepathic Raven and A Household Creature!-it's full to bursting with Magic and Excitement. Watch out for the wordplays! .•*•. This is the home town adventures of Polly and Elizabeth, the follow up "the inn" which takes place earlier in the year and which Liz isn't in (she had chickenpox unfortunately 😷🤒) Warning: mild cussing and mentioning of Smoking/cannabis, plus doing some generally unadvisable things. Don't forget to leave a star 🤩 is you like it and Comment and tell me what you think! ~Peace❤️

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Slide 1 of 9

Fiona (Book 1) cover

Dark at Midnight ~*BOOK ONE*~ cover

Sweet Poison cover

The Losers Club cover

WEEDSTARS cover

•○Jake snaps○•// TMF // SATIRE//☆☆ cover

I Found the Babies cover

MANIPULATED Book B (Sequel to Tempted) cover

Crimes, Robbery's, and Detention. cover

Fiona (Book 1)

"I'm Pregnant," I told the man who was the closest person I had to a friend in this office. Nathaniel Taylor who thinks I'm a talented creator here at the company. He's kind, supportive, and loved by everyone in the company. So when telling him this news I hope this doesn't get too ugly. He finally looks up from his files. His blue eyes were warm and inviting, rising from his seat he comes around to hug me tightly. "Congratulations. Are you here to discuss maternal leave or something? Why are you coming up to me with this?" Okay, I'm confused, "Umm sir... the child is yours." He backs up in shock. Stuffing his hands in his pockets he avoids eye contact. "The kid isn't mine. We haven't slept together. Believe me, I would've remembered. I don't forget women I've slept with." He simply puts going back to his desk, sitting down and filing through papers. Mortified I go to turn around to be stopped by his following words. "You must've slept with my twin brother Seth. And this isn't to scare you but... We buried his 4th wife last week."