Korruption: Killing ourselves brainwashes us to think we have won

A realistic fiction story about a man who has been in turmoil and life-threatening situation since birth. He was adopted by a drug dealing auntie and her lover. And dealt with a lot of separate issues along the way, including abandonment, drug alcohol usage, depression, and resentment.

After near death experiences he had placed himself in, this time his aunt has now taken matters into her own hands, and he is currently in Limbo. He has heard the call from "God" to now transition into the spiritual realm. But he is so unsure of what he wants to do and he is slowly, but surely preparing himself to go. So he's just trying to get his metaphysical thanks and recognitions over before it's too late.... But he's still stuck wondering if it's really his time.