Reclusive

I'm not afraid to die, I'm just scared to do it myself. I feel useless and unimportant like I've been placed high upon a shelf. Sometimes I feel as if I'm so human that I judge myself more than others do. It's true, their lack of knowledge and intelligence gets to me. Even if their right, I try to be the person they'd want me to be. I can't.. I've tried to enjoy family, talk to others, yet it comes down to me writing this under the covers. I would like for life to get better already, but I highly doubt it will. My life isn't yours so you wouldn't know if it gets better until time stands still. I wish I could just chill and relax, but my mind holds such a fire even the devil would take a step back. My sub-conscience wants me to disappear, yet my body wants me to stay. My eyes are blind to a dying world, yet my soul cant find a path to fall astray. I seem lost but to be honest I could find myself any day.