Him and I

Grief.
I've never battled with the raw, debilitating pain that comes with it.
Then a twist of fate hits me out of nowhere, and I can barely keep from drowning.
It's like weights tied to my ankles in the middle of a raging ocean.
I'm helpless, with no way to swim back to the surface.
But fate is crueler still, bringing my stepbrother back for the first time in years.
vegas never wanted this family. Especially me.
Still, he's always been my greatest desire. And my biggest weakness.
He's unattainable.
Straight, engaged, and with a seemingly perfect life on the other side of the country.
It's something I'd do well to remember, yet when he stays, it's so easy to forget.
In finding solace together, we mend what once was broken.
This loss bonds us. Changes us.
He's become more than a brother or a lover.
He's my anchor.
So how am I supposed to keep my head above water when I'll eventually lose him too?