My Computer is trying to kill me! Now what?!

Is your laptop trying to kill you? Have you tried everything but nothing seems to work? Well you've come to the right place.

Common symptoms are:
-The Blue Screen Of Death
-Your Laptop slamming your fingers
-catching your laptop in bed with your wife.

All of these are common symptoms on computer trying trying to kill you.

WE are here to help. Read this guide and venture with us into finding a cure for what the fuck is wrong with your computer.

Be warned some of the solutions might give you aids. But who cares if your computer is working again you can Google how to cure aids.

All of our techniques are guaranteed to work, including leaving it in a bag of rice overnight so that Asian people will come and fix it. We're not Asian.

Our roommate Tequila has broken our laptop before. Bitch. WE KNOW YOU WERE THE LAST ONE TO USE IT TEQUILA!
But don't fret because we have the best ways to solve all of your problems, if your computer is trying to murder you on its quest to become a serial