Speaking From The Inside

I'm Tara Fields I'm 16 years old and I have selective mutsim. I guess that's why my mom got me the journal. To write down my thoughts and what I would of said if I could. I mean I could say stuff I just don't feel like it. It's more of me being anxious. It's not like I can't speak, I just...don't. It's hard to explain. Sometimes the words just get stuck in my throat, and other times I feel like if I open my mouth, I'll just embarrass myself. And the anxiety just makes it worse. It's like a vicious cycle. It's not easy living with selective mutism. It's hard to make friends when you can't talk to people. And even the friends I do have don't really get it. They think I'm just being shy or antisocial, but it's so much more than that. Its a silent prison I carry it around with me every where I go.