Racing Between Twilights

If I could run a marathon with my brain or a 100 yard dash, I think I would kill it. Because it never shuts off. It is always running. Even when I am begging for it to shut down so I can shut down and sleep. It is a racecar that keeps speeding around that course over and over again, after all of the people have gone home and gone to bed. The very definition of palindrome of racecar, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. It listens to medication when it wants to or me fighting the medication to actually sleep or not get sleep. Eventually, my brain and body allow me to just crash, but at a cost. I miss out on life for a couple days usually while I regenerate for lost sleep. I literally just start to fall apart little by little in a day that I cannot fight my body and pass out so hard that I am asleep for days at a time. Some days not even going to the bathroom. Generally, the first 24 hours. After that, somewhere in my subconscious a megaphone is screaming at me to remember to get up in the AM and PM to take my medications and then I will get the bathroom and crash again. Sometimes 1 to 2 days. Sometimes 7 days.

And. I. Am. So. Exhausted.