I thought you were diffrent

I love him. I love Jonathan so much it hurts. I never had many friends, but I have him. And even though I can't see him or touch him, he's there. It's been a tough few years and unfortunately there's no end to the struggle in sight. Because of something as stupid as race and disagreements with the German authorities. The last few years have taken a lot out of me and the future doesn't look particularly bright for me. But he told me he won't leave me. He said he'll wait for me and even though I believe him, I have the feeling I'm going to lose him. I'm scared of not having him in my life anymore. I'm scared of losing my one true love in this cold, cruel world. But if this really happens, I want our story to be recorded somewhere where it can be traced.
If I don't make it out of this situation alive, I hope you'll read these lines. I hope you'll smile when you remember how we met. I hope that you will understand what was going on inside me when I couldn't control my emotional outbursts. Even if we never saw each other in real life, at least I know something very important. Namely, that I knew someone who brought light into the darkness for me. I did the only true thing in life. Because I loved. I still love and I will love even after death. I promise you that, Jonathan!