Will I Always Be Weak?
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  • Parts 17
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This is my truth by KristinaFigolah
71 parts Ongoing
My life has been an intense journey from a little girl who was beaten down and abused into believing that she was worthless, to a woman at 43 years of age who is still desperately searching for who she truly is. I found her though. I did. And she writes like me, from inside of me. She is me. This girl that I've been in love with since time first existed, is indeed me. The way that she walks. With her hands... and how she talks? The hearts that she's captured, the souls that she has inspired. I'm now trying to be her. I've never felt that I was good enough to actually be myself!!! I always knew how pure and clear and free I was inside. But people told me otherwise, in a very cruel way. No one ever spared my feelings or thought to speak to me with kindness or love. My parents were very serious and strict people. They believed that there was only 1 way to act and inside I knew that I did NOT fit in the parameters of the behavior expected of me. And every single time I made my Step Daddy sigh or frown it felt like I knife in my heart. I was a let down. Always too loud. Always moving too much. Always too fat and always too ugly. Always too much. Unless I sat quietly. But I've always been a firecracker and all of that containment really made me want to blow off! All of what was inside of me, swirling and dividing in me. Burying the side of me that I loved the most! I was a bastard and a blasphemy. Harsh words for a girl of 3. They said them when they baptized me.
The Karma Project by knikole_
48 parts Complete Mature
Today I want to die. Not because of anything in particular or specific, but just because the utter thought of ceasing to exist sounds devastatingly euphoric. To make the noise stop. To stop this stabbing pain in the lowest pit of my stomach that's causing a burning sensation that crawls all over my skin, making me want to peel it off. To stop the guilt that festers every time I take a breath-- an oxygen thief. To stop the constant urge to detonate over anything and everything that dares to love me because in all-- I could never deserve such an honor. Today I want to die. For the longest time, I thought I was just unlucky. That sometimes life doesn't work out for everyone, and for people like me; things just never get better. I had settled into the life of being unlucky, reveled in it, and found comfort in knowing that no matter what; I would just be categorically unlucky. That was until I realized luck had nothing to do with it. It's karma. It's the idea of what goes around comes around, and what goes up must come down. Didn't some philosopher speak to that once? However, it isn't my karma. Well it wasn't at first-- somewhere down the line after all my wrongdoing I'm sure it has switched to mine. But I am the poor soul stuck with my father's karmic retaliation. The karma that he deserves has been thrown against me as some sort of sick cosmic joke-- I'm sure he'd actually celebrate and feast on the fact that once again, he still gets to hurt me even from his grave. Too bad I killed him before he had the chance to see. *Book One in the Karma Duet. Book Two is now in progress, titled: The Karma Study*
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Alexander

19 parts Complete

Jaspear- I don't get it. One moment I had her and the next. She was gone but hey I couldn't handle our relationship or becoming a father. I sure love her but...she's messed up . She's just too independent. I loved her from the first sight and now...I was her bully Jamie- Again. Again I let him in and what he did. Started pulling me after he got to know that I'm pregnant with his child. but this time...this time I'm too weak to bare it.