random thoughts at 1 am nahh

if i had a choice to be not born or to not experience life i would rather not born even if i can see what happen in my life before i decided to not be born i will always choose to not experience this kind of shit i don't know why im saying this even though if i were to compare my life to others i think im a bit lucky because some people don't have a choice if they can eat or not what im trying to say is they don't have a choice because they don't have enough money to buy food while me i had a food everyday and yet im still complaining about life im not comparing myself to others to petty them or to make fun of them im just saying that i should be thankful of what i have and yet im not thankful nahh im wrong im always thankful of what i have it's just i feel like something missing or im not content of what i have i dont know maybe because im lonely i dont have any friend or maybe because i have mental illness or what im depressed and i have social anxiety and im always weird when im outside like i always act weird or don't know what to do when im outside is so fucking ridiculous and hard just to have a normal life and i feel like life is all about money i don't know but i think we're obsessed with money of course we need money to make a living to keep be alive because if we didn't have money we can't make through everyday everything you do or everything you need money is always involve if that the reason to be alive like whatever you do is for money right example what is the reason why were going to school of course to make our parents proud nahh cut the bullshit the reason why we needed to go to school is for money why because our parents think that if we're going to school our life isn't gonna be hard because we study or we graduated so we can have a good job and im not blaming them all i wanted to say is i feel like everything we do is for fucking money am i right or am I crazy? if it's that the only reason to be alive i would rather not to be alive than