Kirk Sandblaster: Space Adventurer (Preview) - Oli Jacobs - Wattpad

Kirk Sandblaster: Space Adventurer (Preview)

Reads 22
Votes 1
Parts 8
Time 1h 13m

Reads 22
Votes 1
Parts 8
Time 1h 13m

adventure comedy humour parody sci-fi space

When it comes to adventure, there are many names that you could mention. However, when you're talking adventure and a penchant for having sandwiches during said venture, then there's only one name out there.

OK, there's probably still plenty of other names out there, but only one is spelt K-I-R-K S-A-N-D-B-L-A-S-T-E-R.

That's right! Kirk Sandblaster, rogue of the Quadrants, ex-member of the Galactic Army Force, and all round pain in the Universia buttocks. The bequiffed Human from planet Earth rides along the galaxy in his rusted ship, The Bounty, and is looking for the kind of treasure that makes beings teeth fall out. In excitement, that is. It's not THAT kind of treasure...

Along the way, he recruits a hulking Zaarian named Xlaar, whose powersuited body and battle-savvy makes him an invaluable asset to a man who prefers to sit back and spout one-liners. Follow them both as they source treasure maps, get foxed by sneaky Brellian bandits, and chased by dastardly Ghurian pirates.

Will they find the treasure they're looking for? Will The Bounty stand firm against the rigours of the asteroid-like Haken Belt? And will Xlaar resist punching Sandblaster firmly in his square jaw? Find out, as you jump on board with...

Kirk Sandblaster: Space Adventurer!All Rights Reserved

adventure comedy humour parody sci-fi space

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8 parts

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Hard Edges || Mandalorian X Reader by miss_arkhee

"Razor Crest, hey? Didn't know any of these still flew" you joke, trying to ease the mounting tension in the air. The visor just stares back at you, silent and unwavering. Okay, not much for jokes... You walk up the ramp into the cargo hold, trying to ignore the wave of pressure as he stalks your every step. Stars, its almost predatory the way someone that size, in that much armor, manages to move so silently. A fact that should (and does) strike fear into your gut, but your cheeks blush with the equal amount of something else alongside it.... *18+, rough sex, mature content* Does not follow canon events.

Nottoofar || Book 2: Dagger & Fist {Humour + Romance Fantasy} by kkolmakov

Viola the Underdarkling is travelling back to the duchy of Fleck at a request of the head of a large clan of Orcs and Half-Orcs, who also happens to be the grandmother of Viola's former betrothed. On the way Viola runs into Will, Rhys' cousin, and Will's partner, Fiona. Together they travel to Fleck, joined by Rhys mid-way. Will the old feelings resurface while Viola and Rhys fight giant slugs with hallucinogenic slime and save an impaired winged prince - or will the old wounds of the War prevent them from giving their love another chance? In a far, far away land of Nottoofar... ~ a former berserker knight meets a spacy druid... {Book 1: Leaf & Paw} ~COMPLETE! ~ a necromancer rogue is determined to resist her feelings for her former paramour, despite his delicious Half-Orc physique... {Book 2: Dagger & Fist} ~COMPLETE! ~ a teacher of defence magic can't believe what has become of her former Buggbear pupil - and how hard it seems to convince herself to refuse his advances... {Book 3: Ring & Shield} ~COMING SOON! ~ a duke is stuck in a cave with a dragonkeeper who is harbouring a secret... {Series Prequel: Venom & Sword} ~COMING SOON! ~ a merperson needs the assistance of a kicka*** sea captain who isn't going to fall for the tailed man under any circumstances... {Book 4: Cutlass & Song} ~Final story in the series! COMING SOON! ...and the rest of my recurring characters show up in this fantasy tale - but this time they wield magic, throw daggers, have tails and horns; and Rhys has got green skin. You really don't have to read my other stories to understand what's going on here. But if you're familiar with their modern version, I hope these frolicsome AUs elicit a chuckle and an 'awww,' or two.

Forrest and Sujay: On Top of Your Mom! (Horsemen Origins Book 2) by BenHartman3

Two jokester smugglers escape the clutch of a mob boss only to crash on a world under siege. Can they find the courage to join the resistance and break the blockade? Jack Forrest is a reckless fighter pilot who's too focused on making 'your mom' jokes. Sujay Malak is a brilliant but cowardly astro-navigator. The two men are the galaxy's most renowned 'blockade runners,' smugglers who're capable of outrunning any Core fleet. The dynamic duo are being hunted by the nefarious mobster Kingsman for their outstanding debts, but due to a tip, the two men race off to the peaceful world Alcyone. When they arrive, Alcyone is not as it seems. Normally a sanctuary for pacifists and pristine beauty, the planet is being held under siege. Forrest and Sujay are attacked by a fleet of Core fighters and while they manage to escape, they crash land deep in the frozen north. They're rescued by the leader of the resistance, a fellow smuggler named Tim Riley. Riley implores the two to join in his cause, promising them riches beyond their wildest dreams, but there is something unsettling about the quiet paradise. The two men must discover the courage to stand up for the little guy...and that they may not get rich in the process. This fast-paced, hilarious tale of misadventure was written in the spirit of Alexander Freed's Rogue One: A Star Wars Story and Timothy Zahn's Star Wars: Scoundrels.

An Alien Love: Sex And Space (Book 1) by Clanmoore

Murry was never really into anything... especially aliens or outer space. Since he is nonverbal and, on the spectrum, no one understands him anyway. So what's the point? After years of living the same way, he had made peace with his life of silence in a group home. But in the blink of an eye, all that changes when he is captured by aliens. Now, lost and wishing to go back to Earth, he clings to his savior. Keltrixtionlenz. Too bad he can't pronounce this creature's name. On his mission to find his missing sibling, Keltrix stumbles across a human. Breaking all the rules, Keltrix brings the alien back to his ship, heals him, and then begins a relationship. He didn't plan any of the things that happen next. By the time Keltrix is faced with Murry's execution, he realizes he loves the strange little being more than his own life. Too bad it's too late. Maybe, just maybe, he can convince his family that love is beyond sex and space.

CANAISIS ∞ Chronicle One: The Last Living Ship ∞ 1: A New Mission by -NikaRave-

Volume 1 of CANAISIS ∞ The Last Living Ship trilogy (Chronicles of Canaisis 1) Can a ship, born to sail the ocean of stars to ensure Humankind's survival, save her Captain from the void within his own heart? ∞ ∞ ∞ Canaisis is the last of her kind, a Living Ship forged with Mankind's most advanced technology and artificial intelligence. Together with her Captain, she sails the cold, dark void between stars at multiple times the speed of light-to ensure Humanity's survival. As Canaisis agrees to carry a corporation's entire personelle to their new colony planet, Captain Gareth Levant finds his solitude interrupted by a new culture and a woman whose Gift threatens to unlock the pain caged within his heart. A pain he's carried since before the day he first launched... centuries ago. As if that is not enough, something about Earth's Citizens sanctioning the corporation's relocation rings falsely with undertones that has Captain Levant on edge. He will do anything to keep his ship and passengers safe. Captain Levant loves his ship, as any good captain does since the beginning of time-whether with wind, sail and ocean waves as in the days of old, or in the vast depths of space. But if Canaisis were able to return that love, could it burn bright enough to light the way through the void within the Captain's own heart? Or does it require the Gift of human touch? ∞ ∞ ∞ By @kemorgan65 and @RavenRock2112 ∞ ∞ ∞ A prequel to the pre-story of #ShadowOfThePastTrilogy ∞ The Displaced. ∞ ∞ ∞ SEQUELS: Canaisis ∞ A Captain's Journey Canaisis ∞ A Shard Of Code ∞ ∞ ∞ REVIEW by @Ray_Of_Sunshine9 "...loved the overall themes within the story, and what it meant for me as a person - a mission of delivering hope and finding a new home. ... Engineering, technology...some very detailed information, ...it's done in a way that makes it easy for me to digest...accessible and patient, which I appreciate."

Dip$hits in Space, season 1 by AdrianOzryth

An eccentric comedy about space, and the Dipsh**s that end up in it. This hyper-self-aware comedy of stupid proportions centers around Captain William T Lawg (no relation) and his adventures as a guy who managed to afford a refitted soft-top icecream truck in space, in a universe where that's shockingly common. His trusty crew of valiant randos, Marley the tech-bro stoner spacebunny, Duffy the plump and sassy female mechanic, Roy the frigging fabulous Android, and also that other chick is there. Ride with the crew of the notorious Tast-E-Chill to a world of wonder that a lot of other space travelers have already been before, but probably not Lawg, so it's still exciting. with a crew of 3-5 and an IQ of also probably 3-5, The captain putters along to uncharted lands, where history, loot, drama, innuendos of the sexual verity, and various technicolor hoes shall surely be waiting, usually with some form of trap. Prepare yourself for shallow adventure, moderately offensive and overwhelmingly childish scenarios as the crew battle impossible odds, fierce enemies, lack of food and survival tape, and occasionally their own incompetence. Romance, Politics, Originality, this sucker has none of those, and it darn well knows it. raise the sails and grab the rails as a bunch of dipsh**s find themselves...IN SPACE. (Roll dramatic tapering credits, to royalty free trumpet music)

Inevitable Ascension by vkmcallister

***Completed*** If you knew your world would soon be torched to carbon, would you fight to save it? ...Or light a match of your own? Violina, a girl polarized by love and loathing, finds herself thrown into a post-apocalyptic world with mankind on the brink of extinction. Discovering the means to travel back in time, she teams up with the ever-optimistic, pun-loving Lux and sets out to prevent the apocalypse from ever happening in the first place. But as her crusade advances, she becomes increasingly disturbed by humanity's apparent *lack* of humanity and comes to a frightening realization: To build a new world, she must first tear the old one down. Inevitable Ascension-The twisted jigsaw puzzle of a story with equal parts rapid-fire action, humor and charm. It's got a host of twists that will literally make your brain explode! Actually not literally, you know, because otherwise that would be really gross. Who is V.K. McAllister? We're a husband/wife duo (Andrew and Sasha McAllister) with a unique approach to writing. We work simultaneously and in secret before combining what we come up with, resulting in dramatic and unexpected twists that surprise even us! Crazy? Yes, yes it is, but it's surprisingly fun and effective. :) We pretty much live for the Inevitable Ascension series and did just about everything ourselves-the writing, the editing, the publishing, the art (well, Andrew did the art, but Sasha provided invaluable consulting when it came to eyebrows), the audio book, the trailer-everything. We're basically a one-man band, except with two people... and no music... so perhaps not the best metaphor, but we're confident you get what we mean. Check out the trailer and art at www.inevitableascension.com :)

The Adventures Of That Particular Group: Start Of Their Adventure (#Wattys2016) by OfficialTPG

Imagine if you had the power of the stars in your hands and the existence of a neighbouring planet depended entirely on you and your team. . . There were four people who had powers beyond imagination. One had weaponry, one had memory, another had teleportation and the last had gatherance. It might be hard to believe, but those four were set on a journey to save a neighbouring planet. The journey might change their fate and turn things around. Would they be able to make it, or would they lose everything that they once had? What discoveries would they make, and what would they have to do with them? What would the path that they will choose be, to give up or continue? Will their lives ever be back to normal? The fate of another planet depends on this group... So read on to find out! The sequel of this story is out. If you vote for our story it would mean the world to us :-) Special thanks to our classmate who is now helping us edit grammar and provided the Corean quiz and everyone else who helped to do a part. Note: You may find some parts of the story confusing and theoretically impossible. But this is a fictional world so please understand. Thank you! The story had been recently refurbished so that it will look more organised and has the pictures now. We will start Phase 2 of our renovation process, which will edit the grammar so our story will be wonderful. Stay tuned and vote for us! Thank you fans of The Adventures Of That Particular Group! Cover made by @TheScarlettWolf (YiChen) 2000 views on 9 Aug 2016 P.S Vote us for Wattys! Type our story name then write #MyWattysChoice.

The Best Laid Plans of Vegetation and Cybernetic Beings by KarinaLFabian

If you love Star Trek and parodies... If the Orville and Galaxy Quest give you as much joy as Wrath of Khan... If you believe (as Tumblr users do) that humans will rule the galaxy because we are the only species crazy enough to tie two warp cores together, reverse the polarity and toss them into a star just to see what will happen... then this is the book for you. These are the voyages of the HMB Impulsive. This episode: The HMB Impulsive has a routine diplomatic mission - to assist two warring planets to achieve peace through marriage by ferrying the prince to his wedding. But when the prince falls for the ship's sexy (yes, that's her title), and the Cybers attack, it's far from routine. Can the crew of the Impulsive apply human hold-my-beer ingenuity to save the day and the wedding? (This story is found in my collection, Space Traipse: Hold My Beer, Season 1, on Amazon)

Azur Lane: Carrier from Stars Beyond (Starblazer x Azur Lane) by KarlianMauser

[Note, the humanity where Main character comes from is not Earth, but entirely fiction] Stars A galaxy full of wonders and secrets waiting to be discovered by explorers When humanity reaches for the stars Leaving the warmth of their Home, Asteria It started a new age of exploration for humanity exploring When humanity discovered other habitable planets and found life It started the age of Colonization as one colony turned to hundreds Colonies then grow as more people turn outwards from Asteria to settle these new planets Colonies then turns to cities that support more and more citizens as new industry were established Soon however, governments begins to form in the colonies declaring independent from their old homes This prompts the homeworld government, Mauser Galactic Empire, to suppress them with brutal force which then triggers a war that would devastate not only the colonies but their homeworld of humanity. There was a fleet led by the named carrier after the first founder of the empire, MGS Karliana Mauser, but facing overwhelming forces by the colonies. It ultimately led to a devastating defeat which leads to the devastation of Asteria by the colonies. The mistake was soon realized by the colonies who wept seeing their homeworld origin devastated by their own hands. This war had cost many lives and ships, such is the fate of MGS Karliana Mauser, the ship that is now a floating wreck in space. Starblazer x Azur Lane are owned by their respective owners

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Slide 1 of 10

Hard Edges || Mandalorian X Reader cover

Nottoofar || Book 2: Dagger & Fist {Humour + Romance Fantasy} cover

Forrest and Sujay: On Top of Your Mom! (Horsemen Origins Book 2) cover

An Alien Love: Sex And Space (Book 1) cover

CANAISIS ∞ Chronicle One: The Last Living Ship ∞ 1: A New Mission cover

Dip$hits in Space, season 1 cover

Inevitable Ascension cover

The Adventures Of That Particular Group: Start Of Their Adventure (#Wattys2016) cover

The Best Laid Plans of Vegetation and Cybernetic Beings cover

Azur Lane: Carrier from Stars Beyond (Starblazer x Azur Lane) cover

Hard Edges || Mandalorian X Reader

"Razor Crest, hey? Didn't know any of these still flew" you joke, trying to ease the mounting tension in the air. The visor just stares back at you, silent and unwavering. Okay, not much for jokes... You walk up the ramp into the cargo hold, trying to ignore the wave of pressure as he stalks your every step. Stars, its almost predatory the way someone that size, in that much armor, manages to move so silently. A fact that should (and does) strike fear into your gut, but your cheeks blush with the equal amount of something else alongside it.... 18+, rough sex, mature content Does not follow canon events.