A love left untold

Will I ever move on?

I keep rereading our chats over and over, and it feels like my heart is breaking each time. I miss him. I missed him yesterday, I miss him today, and I know I'll miss him tomorrow, too. I hate it. I hate how I'm trapped in this cycle of longing. I had always been so careful with my heart, so scared of falling in love, and yet, of all the people in my life, I ended up falling for my best friend.

Fate really has a cruel way of twisting things.

He has cancer-stage two. And even though he's in love with me, too, he hides it. He acts cold, pulls away, because he doesn't want me to suffer when he's gone.
He thinks rejecting me will protect me, but all it does is break my heart over and over again. I know why he's doing it, but that doesn't make the pain any less real.

Even when I confessed my feelings, he pushed me away.
I don't understand why he thinks it's better this way, but I guess love isn't always enough when time is running out.

I keep wondering if I'll ever be able to move on.
Will I ever heal from this? Or will I always carry this love for him, knowing that, deep down, we were never meant to have a future together?