only fools fall in love

what a girl thinks about herself everyday in the morning when she wakes up is it the special day....why does it take so long.....is it even gonna happen to me...am I ugly....am i fat.....am I not noticeable ????

Dear myself,
Today is April 28,1995 time 5:22pm. im writing this letter to myself because idk I feel left out and ugly and fat. I have no beauty to guys, at least that's what I think. I talk to guys as a friend cause their fun to talk to ,but that doesn't mean much... idk why my friends have guys who like them yet I keep thinking why not me ..am I fat?am I ugly? like I said im not gonna change who I am just cause a guy. also at the same time im feeling like im doing the wrong thing its sad just even thinking about it . I get it I don't need a guy to keep me happy buti also don't wanna be those girls who haven't found true love. ima young teen probaly to young to date , but I don't wanna stay single ? some nights I ask god whats wrong with me? every time I think positive it always turns out to be negative and every time I think negative it stays negative. ..... this is just stupid im not trynna doubt myself in any way my time will come im just getting sick and tired of waiting. im not jealous im just sad that im really gonna have to wait so long for that time to come till that special day comes. im a be alone for that long, its just so frustrating when I wake up I ask myself is today the day? turns out to be a no...idk sometimes I don't even wanna go to school for that stupid reason . my mind is telling me to lookin the mirror and I see a fat ugly stupid worthless body and face who cant get noticed at all ..
am I pushing myself? am I worrying to much? well hey I guess what I see in myself must be true . I know im crazy for something so stupid .....expecting things to happen to me even thought 90% is not gonna happen I hate it so much!!!!!!!!!!!!