Reflections of Insecurities
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- Parts 7
Ang hirap pala makipaglaban sa mundo na puno nang mapanghusga.
Ang hirap pala makipagsabayan sa ibang tao na animo'y katapusan na ng mundo.
Ang hirap pala tumayo muli at ngumiti.
Ang hirap pala, lalo na kapag wala kang kakampi.
Mahirap.
Akala ko kakayanin ko kahit wala akong kakampi. Pero hindi pala. Akala ko lang pala 'yon. Akala ko lang.
Pinanganak ako bilang isang matapang na babae, bilang isang mapagmahal na anak at hindi mapanghusgang tao. Pero sa paglipas ng taon, nalaman ko na ang mga tao ang mapanghusga, hindi ang mundo.
Ang hirap pala makipaglaban sa mundo na puno ng mapanghusga. Akala ko, kaya kong lagpasan ang lahat ng problema, ang lahat ng sakit. Pero hindi pala ganun kadali. Ang hirap pala tumayo muli kapag paulit-ulit kang pinapabagsak ng parehong bagay-mga salita, mga tingin, mga inaasahan ng ibang tao.
Lumaki akong naniniwala na kaya kong dalhin ang lahat. Bilang panganay sa apat na magkakapatid, naging responsibilidad ko na maging matatag, hindi lang para sa sarili ko kundi para rin sa pamilya ko. Pinanganak akong matapang, sabi nila. Pero sa totoo lang, hindi ko na alam kung totoo pa 'yon.
Ang hirap makipaglaban sa mundong puno ng mapanghusga. Araw-araw, gumigising ako na tila may bumubulong sa akin: "Hindi ka sapat. Hindi ka maganda. Hindi ka karapat-dapat." At kahit anong gawin ko para patahimikin ang bulong na 'yon, lalo lang itong lumalakas.
Kahit anong gawin ko, parang laging may mali sa akin. Lumaki akong matapang, sabi nila, pero sa totoo lang, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng lakas.
May mga araw na pakiramdam ko, kaya ko pa. Pero mas madalas, parang ayoko nang bumangon. Ayoko nang ipakita ang sarili ko sa mundo na tila wala nang ibang alam kundi husgahan ako.
Date Started: 12.25.24
Date Completed:
Language: Taglish
Genre: Romance
Author: ElonaLary
All Rights Reserved
#139
concern
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