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I've always wanted to be an abuser of sorts, but it's always been directed towards myself. The bruises, scratches, marks within my own brain that have never healed, leaving a permanent imprant that can never be grieved. Too easily sensitive to hurt others, constantly fawning and giving in to that victim role. Now it's my turn.
She may be deeply a part of me, ingrained into my very soul, a part of my story, but this time I choose this abuse. Each word on the page tainting myself in a cycle of rage.
To be your own abuser, is to be your own.
I won't be the perfect victim anymore.
[Constantly being worked on, chapters just take a while for me to make.]
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[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ Depression
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