The Misadventures of Captain Clueless
- Reads 490
- Votes 152
- Parts 56
Complete Fri, Jun 27, 20253h 32m
Jax "Lucky" Larsen is a small-time con artist who's spent his life bluffing his way through bad decisions and unpaid bar tabs. But when a misunderstanding (and maybe a little fraud) lands him in the captain's seat of the Celestial Phoenix a long-lost, legendary spaceship suddenly, the entire galaxy thinks he's some kind of tactical genius.
With a mismatched crew who actually believes in him (for now), an AI with major attitude, and bounty hunters, warlords, and cosmic bureaucrats hot on their trail, Jax has only one mission: keep up the act and stay alive.
But there's just one problem-the Celestial Phoenix isn't just any ship... it's the key to an ancient secret that could change the fate of the universe. And the people looking for it? Yeah, they're not big on second chances.
Armed with quick wit, terrible decision-making skills, and an impressive ability to avoid responsibilities, Jax must outsmart, outbluff, and (if all else fails) outrun every danger the galaxy throws at him.
Because if there's one thing he's learned in life, it's this: when in doubt, fake it till you make it... or at least until someone else takes the blame.
All Rights Reserved
Join the largest storytelling communityGet personalized story recommendations, save your favourites to your library, and comment and vote to grow your community.
You may also like
The Demons of Oibahn
Four strangers find themselves trapped in a cage without any knowledge of the past three years. To figure out what happened, they'll have to somehow get along, then investigate every lead together. None of them are prepared for the wars they'll fight through, or even the truth. This is the first book I ever ever wrote, so it's a little rough. Consider it non-canon. This takes place well after the Silent Veil, at the end of ACT 1 for the overarching plot. This contains spoilers basically, but most of those plot points have changed anyways since this book was written. There are also themes I don't exactly align with anymore. I plan to completely re-write this story in the future. For now, I hope you'll enjoy what I did about this thing: fun characters going through a fun romp in space. What to expect: Fun, action, disco! George 'Slick' a disco legend that can glue anyone together. Kielbir a merciless pirate, but he doesn't remember that bit. Donid a sniper poet with daddy and mommy issues. Lou Hull an engineer with lacking self confidence. Be prepared for a love triangle, a great political conspiracy, and horrific discoveries.Complete
The Ark Diary of Dylan De Rovia Book One of De Rovia Diaries
Before the fall of Earth humanity built a great colony ship, ten thousand of the colonist left Earth for a hundred year journey to Gillespie. They came from all over the Earth leaving a planet knowing they would never see another in their lifetime. The Ark is a rotating cylinder the size of a large island with its own train system. It's divided into three main sections, the city, the framlands, and the Lowers. The people are divided into three groups as well, Uppers, Middles and Lowers. Uppers are made of elite scientist, Astro-crops, bureaucrats they made up about 3% of the population. The Middles are are the farmers, the guard, teachers, doctors, the food processors, clothes makers and of course the mechanical maintenance workers. They make-up the 97% of the 10,000 counted citizens. The lowers are criminals and children born to un-paired parents. They live separated from the middles and Upper. In lowers you work in water reclamation or in one of the fish farms that supply protein to the ship. In the year 2149 Dylan De Rovia is trying to wrap her head around the idea that in two year's she'll be paired. That they call marriage on the Ark. Pairing is good most who are paired do end-up staying together because while genetics play good part in determining a match so does personality. Some people choose to use spend this time having a good time with as many partners as possible. Dylan however, vowed that she would never fall in love with anyone before pairing. The universe had other plans however, when Dylan learns that she'll pair with an Upper named Kyive Sinclar life gets more complicated than ever. Falling in love is hard enough falling in love in space that the story.Complete
Starhammer: Gambler's Game
Ensign Jesse Tanner receives the assignment of a lifetime when he becomes the assistant to the universally famous captain, Phil Starhammer. Jesse soon realizes that the famous captain is not at all what he expected. The now middle aged Starhammer has made his career stretching the rules to their breaking point with actions like taking a planet’s emperor to a strip club that happens to be on his ship, leaving the emperor’s daughter ripe for the seducing. Things on board the starship Vermillion become more complicated when Jesse discovers he has been endowed with strange powers, causing him to be pursued by cult like organization that have the same abilities he does. The story comes to its climax when Captain Starhammer and crew are sent to quell a rebellion started by none other than the ex-wife of Starhammer himself. This combined with a debt seeking alien come to collect the Vermillion that Starhammer lost to him in a dart game, manage launch a secret plot to assassinate a political figure in order to trigger a war that they intend on blaming on Starhammer.Complete
A Number of Wrong Turns
Being given the task of investigating Nevada's bordello's should be the dream job of any young man. But Faré isn't an ordinary young man and this particular brothel has more than lace behind the curtains. The clientele isn't human, but then, neither is his girlfriend, employer or closest friend; he's not a bigot. The problem is that the bordello is being operated by the Andskoti, a group of aliens who don't have the best of intentions for the human race. They're also strong, smart and the fact that they look human makes catching them a whole lot harder. That's a lot to land in the hands of an 18 year old. Fortunately, he's only expected to find them; once he has, Linith, Rheda and Ayjer can come in and clean house. But there is a snag in the plan. Faré has the worst kind of luck. (This was a semi-challenge on my part, to see if I could write a short story. I set myself a target of 7000 words and... failed miserably. Nonetheless, it's a fun tale and the kind of lighthearted style I've been trying to get back into for a while. I hope you enjoy)Complete
In the Rouge
In a world... Where star-crossed lovers guarantee sales and novels lack all novelty... Comes a story so generic that it will appeal to everyone of every generation forever... The story of a ruggedly handsome man of indeterminate age, named Guy who meets an exquisitely beautiful recently-come-of-age woman, named Eve. It's love at first sight, but one of them has a secret... A secret so big that it will tear them apart forever... Or will it? The world may never know, because this is not that book. This book is clever and will appeal to a specific audience. People who like witty humor and realistic characters. People who like a large dose of laughter in their sci-fi. Wherein: Liam Gatley is—was a normal, just-trying-to-get-by-with-as-little-effort-as-possible university student. But he’s just woken up from a birthday bender in a recruiting office, and before he can even figure out what’s happened, he’s rushed aboard the (in)famous ISS Titan to hunt down interstellar pirates as a proud—and completely expendable—member of the Imperial Space Corps. Suddenly it’s hard to imagine life being any worse . . . It turns out Liam just needs a better imagination. On his first day, Liam is shot, stabbed, crushed, electrocuted, asphyxiated, and drowned. It gets even worse when the Titan runs afoul of a telepathic mutant who turns the ship’s own crew against her. Now Liam’s talent at not-quite-dying might save the day, but he’ll still have to lose his mind to survive. And if he can manage that, he’ll have to battle an overzealous military commander whose ambition threatens the entire Interstellar Human Empire. If he ever hopes to make it home again, Liam will have to risk everything to save the empire. On the bright side, he may just get the girl in the process.Complete
The Lost Stories: A Series of CoSmic Adventures
These are the adventures of James Kollins: greedy, petty, selfish captain of the galactic warship "DeVille"; a man obsessed with the holodrama "Captain Courageous and the Women Who Love Him"; a man completely unforgiving of his much-maligned first officer. A man who has just met the Creator of the universe, though he doesn't quite realize it yet, and whose life is about to change in ways he never dreamed possible, though he doesn't quite know it yet. Find out what happens when an overgrown child in charge of a large military ship, and sadly lacking a conscience and possessed of a strange sense of humor, comes into contact with God Himself, who isn't above playing a few tricks of His own. You'll be plunged into interstellar war and ultramodern espionage, witness textbook-poor diplomacy and longstanding family feuds, even encounter a seemingly evil empire of cute babies. It's a safe bet you'll laugh while reading this book; a virtual lock you'll crack a smile or twenty; and inconceivable that you won't groan and shake your head on a regular basis. In the tradition of Isaac Asimov's pun-in-cheek "feghoots," each of these twelve short-shorts ends in a play on words and phrases that will leave you wondering what's wrong with the author. Part loving Star Trek parody (I mean, homage), part spiritual journey, THE LOST STORIES is a series of cosmic and comic adventures that is silly, fun, and also demonstrates the Power of God working in the life of even the most self-obsessed warship captain you've ever met.Complete
Four strangers find themselves trapped in a cage without any knowledge of the past three years. To figure out what happened, they'll have to somehow get along, then investigate every lead together. None of them are prepared for the wars they'll fight through, or even the truth. This is the first book I ever ever wrote, so it's a little rough. Consider it non-canon. This takes place well after the Silent Veil, at the end of ACT 1 for the overarching plot. This contains spoilers basically, but most of those plot points have changed anyways since this book was written. There are also themes I don't exactly align with anymore. I plan to completely re-write this story in the future. For now, I hope you'll enjoy what I did about this thing: fun characters going through a fun romp in space. What to expect: Fun, action, disco! George 'Slick' a disco legend that can glue anyone together. Kielbir a merciless pirate, but he doesn't remember that bit. Donid a sniper poet with daddy and mommy issues. Lou Hull an engineer with lacking self confidence. Be prepared for a love triangle, a great political conspiracy, and horrific discoveries.
More detailsContent Guidelines