The Pessimists Guide: On Being A Hero
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- Votes 10
- Parts 6
Ongoing10m
Last published Tue, Oct 6, 2015
I never asked for this.
They say that sometimes, greatness is thrust upon a person, but do they think about the person who becomes great?
What if they didn't want to?
What if they just wanna lead a normal life?
What if they spend their entire existence cursing the moment they washed their hands before plugging in their phone charger?
What if they don't want to spend their last moments on earth trapped under a huge cyborg's foot?
"Well it's too late for that now Zac, you've got a job to do, you know; something along the lines of stopping the 20ft cyborg from destroying Dealton??"
Zachary Quinder. Just your average school attending, pizza loving, Netflix hogging guy. What will he do when he suddenly wakes up two feet above his bed? That's been frozen? Inside an ice cube?
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As the narrator, I'm tempted to simply write "Middle Finger" because that is essentially what you'll feel like I'm giving you in telling this story. However, for the sake of not being a complete dick, I'll write a little more than just a description of a disrespectful gesture. This story can aptly be described as crude and deranged. As you may have surmised, a crazy person will be telling this story, and the characters involved are indeed also all crazy in their own special ways. So, given this exercise in mental illness, the topics touched on (in no particular order) in this tale are destruction, death, superpowered wackos, torture, pain, loneliness, chaos, the will to survive, never giving up, giving up and not giving a shit, the desire to protect, failing to protect and causing more trouble than was already present, disappointing and/or abusive parental figures, bullies, unjust punishments, just punishments, racism, violent and usually superpowered fights, sci-fi gadgets, bitterness, sarcasm, twisted and demented comedy, control or lack thereof, weird and awkward high school drama, lies and brainwashing, alien aggression, moral ambiguity, unhinged villains, fantastical weapons, a piece of shit main character, conditional friendship, a fuck load of musical references, anger, fear, depression, extra-dimensional creatures, godly powers, various esoteric connections, pop culture references, and of course, in general, superpowers.
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