Messy Minds: Smoke-Stained Nights
43 parts Complete MatureI wrote this story from the perspective of Dakota, a version of myself navigating the chaos of my teen years. In future books in the Messy Minds series, the perspective will shift to other characters, so while the world is the same, the experiences are not my own.Dakota is a girl from a small, nameless town, trying to live the best she can while fighting her own mind and addictions. Her story runs through nights of graffiti, skinny-dipping, drinking, bonfires, and hangouts that blur together. At her core, she carries the mindset: "I'm gonna die anyways, might as well die doing things that make me feel alive rather than live feeling dead inside." Beneath those moments is a deeper battle-survival, meaning, and holding on to whatever pieces of herself she can. This book is messy, because my mind was messy when I wrote it. A lot came out while I was stoned, and that shaped not only the words but how they scatter, repeat, and circle back. Conversations repeat because life repeats. Viewer discretion is advised. What's here is depression, addiction, bipolar swings, rage, numbness, and confusion. It's the inside of a brain that didn't feel like it worked right-chaotic, sad, unpredictable, and yet searching for something solid. I say chaos a lot because it's the only word that ever fit. This is not polished. It's the voice of a bipolar, depressed teenager trying to survive, trying to explain feelings that never sat still. It also touches survival in unexpected ways-like teen pregnancy, and the fight of girls carrying an unplanned miracle while battling addiction. Ryker, the ex, is part of this story, but I don't know where he is now. I've changed, and I believe he can too. My family eventually healed. We forgave, grew, and found happiness again. This book shows the dark, but not all is dark. Chaos and mental illness can be spoken, even if not fully understood.