Between Nothing and Everything

I'm 22 years old, and I've done nothing with my life.
I have a secondary school diploma a ''Realschulabschluss'' , as they call it in Germany - but that paper feels like a lie.
After that? Nothing.
No job. No degree. No purpose.
Just me, my bed, and this endless weight pressing down on me.

Depression doesn't scream. It whispers. It tells me I'm worthless, lazy, a failure. It tells me I'll never be enough.

Some days, I think about death.
Not dramatically. Quietly. Like wondering what it would feel like to just... disappear.

But I smile. I post. I say "I'm fine" like I mean it.

Only two things still make me feel something:
K-Pop...the way it wraps around my soul like a warm blanket.
And Ellie...my wonderful best friend, my anchor, my reminder that I'm not completely invisible.

I dream about living in Korea, working as an artist manager. Helping others chase their dreams.

Funny, isn't it?
I want to help someone else reach the stars when I can't even get out of my own darkness.

⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️
This story contains themes of depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, self-doubt, and struggles with mental health. There may be additional triggering content throughout the chapters, which will be warned about before each one. Please proceed with caution if these topics may be upsetting or triggering for you. If you are struggling with mental health, please seek support from a professional or a loved one.