Love was never possible

Love is hard to find,
Harder to keep,
Hardest to chase when it runs from me.

I'm not the prettiest,
Not the one who turns heads in hallways,
But don't I deserve a little love?
Just a little...
A glance. A "you're beautiful."
A crush that's mine for once.

But no one looks.
No one sees.
Except the girls who gossip when I pass.

So I stopped dressing up,
Stopped trying,
Because what's the point?
I'm the grey crayon in the colour box-
Unseen. Unused. Unknown.

Love is ecstasy,
Relationships? Addictive.
But for me, it's fiction,
Cruel and restrictive.
Everyone's swimming in it,
While I sink like a fish,
Drowning in silence,
Left with nothing but a wish.

They speak of love like it's easy,
But no one ever chose me.
I've never been someone's "first pick,"
Not even a second glance.

Do you know the ache
Of liking someone who never looks your way?
Of trying to shine for him
When he wants light from somewhere else?

It's been four months
Of liking him.
Four months of wondering
If he even knows I exist.
He's not even my type,
But I didn't care.
Because it was him.
It is him.

And it hurts.

And now I'm empty.
No spark left.
Just silence
Where hope used to live.

They say,
"You're lying. Everyone has dated by now."
But I haven't.
I'm still here,
On the sidelines.
In the corner.
Wishing someone would choose me.

And the air-it's suffocating.
Not because I can't breathe,
But because everyone around me is in love
While I'm just...
Not.

So do I believe in love?
A big, fat,
NO.