Never Trust Red

Never Trust Red

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WpMetadataReadMatureOngoing24m
WpMetadataNoticeLast published Sun, Jan 8, 2017
Many thought that ending another's life was a horrible thing to do. That it'd plague you're soul. It'd haunt you're dreams. I knew many that's dreams were of blondes and beer not the haunting fact that they ended a life. I knew some who's soul was bright though they'd taken a life. Then there was me. I wasn't haunted. I was surely plagued. Yet these facts didn't seem to bother me. I pulled the trigger without hesitation. I could thrust a blade into someone heart and watch as the light drained from there eyes and feel nothing. I've felt happiness in rare times knowing someone was dead by my hands. But what can I say. Being chosen by the Organization is meant to be a rare gift to outsiders like me. All I know is that when I'm told to pull the trigger. I do. No second thoughts, no hesitation.
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I never thought I'd actually do this.... I've thought about it but never actually gone through with it.... The voice in my head has been screaming at me for years... But I never actually tried to do... This... It's hard to be around people when you have someone telling you to tear their throats out with your teeth... But it's worse when you're alone. She tells me to do terrible things to myself... Tells me I'm worthless... Unloved....Expendable... Of course I believe her. She's in my head for Christ's sakes how can I not believe her. It's so hard...I gave in...I had no choice...the temptation is so strong. I can't hug people without wondering what it would feel like to thrust a knife into their back and feel their bodies jerk in surprise as they slowly began to realize...that they're dying.....they're being murdered...and not by a complete stanger...but by a person that they love....that they thought they could trust....oh god I want to...give in..... I can't believe my life is like this. Why me? How could I do such a horrible thing? Why....

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