Global Assistant - FPE

translated from Spanish

But Well, let's get to the story.

Credit by @Gremirgrelion
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Welcome to Global Relief!

Your first and last hope.

Are you looking for a job?
We're looking for you! But don't get your hopes up too much, things here are never what they seem.

Requirements:

Have a heart (although not much).

Being able to count to 3 without losing track (math is not our strong suit).

Endure the logistical chaos. We don't promise everything will be smooth, but we do guarantee it will be memorable!

What are we doing here?
We specialize in... well, we have no idea, but we keep ourselves busy. From high-risk missions (or low-risk, depending on what you get) to sending the wrong equipment (yes, sometimes we send stuffed animals instead of weapons!).
Want a real job? You won't find it here, but if you dare, you could be part of something... strange.

What sets us apart from other companies

1. A Commander General who gives orders haphazardly and claims victories by chance.

2. A Supreme Director who is so strict he could break his own desk just by looking at it.

3. Field crews who... well, we're not quite sure what they do, but don't worry, there's always someone else to blame!

Want to join this chaos? Apply now. Or don't. Maybe it's safer for you to stay home.

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While all this is being announced at the Global Relief office, Abbie, our young rookie, watches in bewilderment as Jet tries to fix something with a stuffed animal, Reaper keeps giving incomprehensible orders, and twins Rodrigo and Andrés are fighting over a map, as if they know where to go, even though they clearly have no idea.

Abbie (with a hand on her forehead): Oh my God.