too real to be true
- Reads 49
- Votes 0
- Parts 17
Ongoing47m
Last published Fri, Apr 10, 2026
2025 the year of supreme consciousness
~
[dear diary,]
i could yap for hours about everyone i've ever known and loved,
but who would care? this has 46 reads and most of them are from me.
no one has ever really convinced me they care, and i can't get it out of my head that no one could ever love me enough.
i keep hoping for nothing but someone to love me, to be obsessed with me like i am with them,
i could yap for hours about how paranoid i am that no ones real, just lonely enough to not see everything wrong with me, to only see the love i have for them,
or how paranoid i am that everyones just using me for their own pleasure, for company, for anything really; i wish i knew all the reasons, but i only know the paranoia.
i only know myself, i only know i'm all i really have, i only know i'll never really know anyone else. that only happens in the deepest of love stories.
but i'm too stupid to give up hoping, so all i do is wish and hope and search for someone as real as myself.
[i know something has always been wrong with me.]
amelia,
joseph
sparkle
jess
lee
charly
coffee shop
ej
evie & arda
zach
neo
the existential crisis of wondering how many more there'll be, and how many i've forgotten the names of.
how many more i'll write about, and how many i'll never stop thinking about.
how many more i'll ghost, and how many more will wonder what they did wrong.
how much more guilt i can handle, and how much more sadness i can feel.
how much more incomprehensible i can write, and how much more i wish that someone would notice how i write.
~
even so, most of what i do write will go unread.
even if i upload it here.
All Rights Reserved
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~ 𝑬𝒍𝒊𝒚𝒂'𝒔 𝑫𝒊𝒂𝒓𝒚 | 𝒂𝒏 𝑳𝑵 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒑'𝒔 𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒓𝒚 ~
(OUTDATED SELFSHIP) welcome to eliya's (my) diary! more like, 'diary of a thin man simp'- here I wrote down in a *real* diary since may 'till end august, thoughts, feelings, original stories and more. if you would like to take a peak i don't stop you. it took a lot for me to write all of this down, but I didn't made this to anyone but myself, and I'm being really honest. I just wanted to share it with y'all bc why not- cover pic done and edited my me. have a good time, reading my inside feelings I'm mostly hiding from all but not ashamed to show. =)Complete
The moment I used to say teenager's life, all I could think about fun. Nothing did I know by then that it was anything but fun. I thought I was the only one but In 2023 I met a few people and we together realised that Heartbreaks, crushes, lies and underconfident upon yourself is all what we get. But above all this is regret which I carry, 2022 was anyways ruined but what happens when the first few month also get ruin because of me letting my past affect my present to ruin a beautiful future? What happens when the people I trusted the most break my trust again and again and me being stupid give them alot of second chances which they never asked for nor did they even deserve? How would it all have ended? might be the question for most of yall. But above all "How might it all have started?" should be the primary question because Adam didn't text me back.
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