NEW EDEN

(A fanfic for How Not To Die (Probably) by Jesse Chinedu. Suitable for people who haven't read it yet)

Seventeen-year-old Caiden O'Malley has one rule: don't die.

It's simple. It's efficient. It's... not really working.

When he's not talking to himself trying to remember human interaction, he's trying desperately to avoid being torn to shreds by an infected horde out to eat his mind. He spends his free time dodging bloodthirsty zombies, questioning why his apocalypse outfit looks like "homeless raccoon chic," and discovering that deodorant is, apparently, extinct.

He's doing fine, thanks.

Which basically means: eating expired canned beans, sprinting from homicidal brain-eaters, and muttering to himself like a man one "bad day" away from adopting a pet rock.

What more could a guy want from life?

He's seventeen, alone, and not crying about it, thanks for asking.

Look, the world's ending. He's just trying not to go with it.