When your mother was your first Heartbreak

This will be just a bunch of my thoughts and feelings. I've been writing down my stuff for a long time and feel like sharing them. Maybe someone's gonna read it and relate or not. This is for me. I want it to be a place for everything I've never said.
English isn't my first language, so be kind if the grammar isn't perfect.
But I've always found it to be way easier to express feelings and thoughts in another language.

This is also a trigger warning
I can't be specific cause I don't know yet what I'm gonna say or share.
But keep in mind that these thoughts come from a troubled young mother. With a past, I wouldn't wish upon anyone.
I have a history with self-harm, suicide attempts, alcohol and drug abuse, and emotional abuse.
So, if any of this might be triggering for you, I advise you not to read any of it if you're not in a good place yourself.