A Collective of Thoughts
- Reads 24
- Votes 1
- Parts 5
Ongoing13m
Last published Fri, Oct 10, 2025
Recently broken-up with as of 2025, September. I need a place to think and write freely, but I'd like to share as well:)
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Trauma Ruined My LIfe (The Real-Life Journal Of An Abuser)
It was October 2023, and my now-ex-fiance had moved out of our trailer for good. I decided to end our relationship and thought I had emotionally moved on from them. I was wrong-dead wrong. What followed them moving out was something I could not have ever thought to experience. I began to experience extreme mood swings, controlling behavior, self-esteem issues, and a new-found addiction to alcohol. This was just the tip of the iceberg, as I was constantly flirting with suicide on a daily basis. I could not begin to even tell you about how I went through an emo phase, a "man hoe" phase, and multiple other phases as well due to my deteriorating mental health. I began to document my everyday life after our split through two separate journals over a twelve-month span. This is the true tale of how a breakup brought me to the realization that I was an abuser and that I became the same monster that I swore not to become as a kid. This is how trauma ruined my life, and how it will ruin yours too.Complete
My Internal Junkyard.
Highest ranking #4 in poetry (17/09/16) Hi, This is a 365 day self evaluation project. I think I am degradation because of the junk filled in my head. So I let it out here in form of poetry. My grey matter is weird, troubled yet pretty cool. Read if you like. Thank you. ----------------------------------------------------------- PS : i was 16 -17 (2016-2017) when i wrote and published these be kind -2025 editComplete
exhale.
From my mind, to the page, with some editing in between. Thoughts, rants, blurb etc.Complete
𝐑𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐬: I
𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓲𝓼 ➤ "𝑰 𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰 𝒎𝒂𝒚 𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝑺𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆." I was already fucked in the head, but when you threw her into the mix, it only made everything worse. Much, much worse. Not that I was complaining. It wasn't a bad thing. It was just... more. More obsession. More hunger. Every part of me amplifiers when in her presence and I was made up of more bad than good. More of the dangerous, possessive ache she carved into me like she belonged there. Sometimes, I didn't know if I loved her or if I was just completely consumed by her. Can you blame me? Everything about her made me crave something I couldn't even name-something deeper, something darker, something more than she could ever possibly give me. And right now? I wanted all of it. Started: February 7th 2024 Ended: ...
𝐗𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐅𝐄 ||𝟏𝟖+
❝𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝑰'𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖..𝒌𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒏❞ ________ READ THE EDITED VERSION OF THIS BOOK ON SCROLLSTACK. [LINK GIVEN IN BIO] ________ "Who are you to me?" Her eyes went to his , findings what he was trying to do, but she found nothing apart from anger, his eyes getting darker by each passing seconds, making her whole existence shiver at the sight. "I asked you something, kitten." With lowered eyes and cheeks red by the endearment,she felt herself getting lost in the dark pool of his eyes. Gulping, she said. "Your W-Wife" She felt weird mentioning herself as his wife. Something she never thought she would do. "So Mrs. Iris Xavier Knight, pay close attention as you listen. You are all I need. My wife is everything I need. Since I can't even remember, you are the one person I have ever sought in my entire life. So listen carefully, you belong to me! mine from the day you were born, and I have no intention of giving up on it or allowing you to do it." ........... ●2ɴᴅ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ɪɴ #ᴋɴɪɢʜᴛ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴs sᴇʀɪᴇs.(Cᴀɴ ʙᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴀs ᴀ sᴛᴀɴᴅ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ) ●Bᴏᴏᴋ ɪs ʀᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴍᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴅᴜᴇ ᴛᴏ Dᴀʀᴋ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ, ᴀɢᴇ ɢᴀᴘ ᴀɴᴅ ʜɪɢʜʟʏ ᴍᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏғ ʟɪɢʜᴛ BDSM. (Have a lot of grammatical and spelling mistakes.) Started on: 20th November 2022. Ended on :- 25th October 2024 Author♡Complete
A 100th-Day Journal: Sorrows and Regrets
Come find me... Come follow me... I need to find myself, I must follow me... Questions? Or answers within this number of days I am living. Date Started: January 06, 2025 Date Ended: April 15, 2025Complete
My deep Thoughts
this just a book of me venting and sharing my emotions I want poeple to understand how I feel what I go through I can't take it anymore... so hopefully this book will help me and just.. my personal stuff that I'm ok sharing I don't care if nobody reads it or not but in way I hope their is someone who see my view and feel my pain
Let's Learn (18+)
[Unstable Minds #1] "Has my little girl been drinking?" He asks teasingly, his head tilting to the side as his eyes run over my now tear-stained face. I couldn't breathe properly, what was he going to do to me? Was he going to kill me? No- he wouldn't, would he? "Speak!" He yells in my face causing me to flinch back, a sob crawling up my throat as more tears fall from my eyes. I nod my head frantically. "Y-yes!" He lifts his hand up, I couldn't help but flinch back when the pad of his thumb came down on my cheek, wiping away the tears that wouldn't stop falling. "Don't cry baby, we're going to spend some time together. Just you and I." ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀༄༄༄ ⠀⠀⠀ Ezio Shaw; a 30-year-old college professor. His friends took him out to celebrate his new position as a professor only to be ditched, until, a mystery girl makes her way to his table and offers him something he couldn't refuse. Leah Phillips; a 19-year-old college student, she's in her second year of college. Her friends constantly made fun of her for being a virgin, until she made a bet; She could get anyone in bed without being experienced. She meets a mysterious man sitting in the bar's booth not knowing he would turn into her worst nightmare. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀༄༄༄ Copyright © 2019 by Yewhaw All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀༄༄༄ **I don't own the picture used in this book, they belong to their rightful owners**Complete
Broken Pieces
"I love you" she says and kisses my jaw tenderly. "I love you too baby" I reply stroking her still damp hair. We were sat in a dirty McDonald's car park. We could be sat in a fucking pile of trash and I wouldn't care. Because I would be with her. As long as I'm with her, nothing else matters. -------------------------------------------------------- After all he had known was anger and hatred she was like a breath of fresh air to him. With just one look into her mesmerizing chocolate eyes and one listen to her angelic voice he knew he was ruined. He despised this feeling. He felt helpless. No matter how much he tried to stay away he was drawn to her and he knew he was playing a very dangerous game. Leaving the pain of her past behind her she starts a fresh in a new town with her older brother. Meeting the towns bad boy was not on her agenda but every time she saw him she was intrigued. He was rude and had a terrible attitude, but his eyes didn't show anything but pain which is something she knew all too well. They are complete opposites but have one thing in common. They are both broken, maybe just maybe they could be the cure to each others pain. ⚠️ this story contains mentions of abuse and alcohol so if you are not comfortable with this please do not read my story.Complete
At the End of the Day
[COMPLETED] "We both agreed, Apollo! We said no feelings, no attachments! You promised you wouldn't get attached." I look down at my lap in worry and shame. I have no idea what to say, I promised her, but like an idiot I broke that promise. "Say something!" My breath hitches and I look up at my beautiful girl through my lashes, my eyes brimming with tears because I know after tonight we won't be seeing each other again. I stand up from the edge of the bed and walk over to her, watching as her chest moves up and down harshly with each breath. My eyes trail over the love marks I left moments ago when we were happy to only get lost in each other's arms temporarily. She's mad at me. I never wanted her to be mad at me. "I'm sorry, baby," I whisper reaching forward to run my finger along her cheek catching the falling tear that flows down her soft skin. "You promised." She whispers. I know. "I promise I'm not attached, Blue." Too late. ••• Apollo and Blue have a few things in common. They're both lonely, they're both sad and they both attend the same university, a place where they stumble upon each other for the first time. So when the two decide to keep each other company by forming a causal relationship, the hard-headed Blue sets clear instructions for Apollo. Do not get attached. #2 Dark // 7 April 2022 #1 Interracial // 8 April 2022Complete
It was October 2023, and my now-ex-fiance had moved out of our trailer for good. I decided to end our relationship and thought I had emotionally moved on from them. I was wrong-dead wrong. What followed them moving out was something I could not have ever thought to experience. I began to experience extreme mood swings, controlling behavior, self-esteem issues, and a new-found addiction to alcohol. This was just the tip of the iceberg, as I was constantly flirting with suicide on a daily basis. I could not begin to even tell you about how I went through an emo phase, a "man hoe" phase, and multiple other phases as well due to my deteriorating mental health. I began to document my everyday life after our split through two separate journals over a twelve-month span. This is the true tale of how a breakup brought me to the realization that I was an abuser and that I became the same monster that I swore not to become as a kid. This is how trauma ruined my life, and how it will ruin yours too.
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