All i'll ever be
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MatureOngoing<5 mins
Last published Sat, Oct 18, 2025
I've never given much thought to how I would die. But dying in the place of someone I love seems like a pretty good way to go.
It's not like Renee or Charlie would care anyways, both too eager to live their own lives without a kid in it.
After everything that just happened in Italy and sitting on this plane in between Edward and Alice I realized that dying was way higher on my bucket list than I thought. I didn't just jump of the cliff to cliff dive. I jumped of that cliff ready to give my life as long as Edward wasn't in it.
But now I realize that it doesn't matter. Even if he was there when I jumped I would have greated death with open arms.
To so many people death was dark, sadness, lonely and terrifying. For me it was peaceful the thought of not being alive.
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Here I was, convinced that love was something I'd never allow myself to fall into. I truly believed it was a waste of time and energy-an illusion that left people empty. I had seen too many women become love-drunk, so wrapped up in someone else that they forgot who they were. I promised myself I would never be like that. I swore I wouldn't walk the same path my mother did, a path that led straight to self-destruction. But then I saw you. You stood there, glowing with a light so fierce it was almost blinding. You shone so brightly that I swore if I reached out to touch you, I'd burn. And yet, despite the danger, despite every warning I had carved into my heart, I couldn't stay away. Something inside me shifted, cracked open, and suddenly the thought of distance between us felt unbearable.
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