Natsuki Subaru, whose name is eaten by the Archbishop of Gluttony, has to face a nightmarish reality that he has tried so hard to avoid ever since coming to the fantastical medieval world. At first it seemed like a chance for new beginnings, but no longer remembered by the world, he comes to the realisation that perhaps the same people who would throw him to the White Whale, watch and do nothing as a Mabeast curse consumes him, and use him as a tool to follow a perfect path toward a delusion lasting four centuries-maybe, just maybe-are not worth saving. After all, who will come to save him in the end, if not himself?
Crossposted my fic from AO3 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/72702956
This is an exploration of Subaru's unstable psyche, chronologically situated during the year of downtime following the events of Arc 4, but before what transpires in Arc 5. For those who have only watched the anime, it would equate to some time after season 2. Please note that I do intend to include some, but not all, of the cut content that is featured in the novel, so bear that in mind in case you plan on reading through it in the future.
As a further disclaimer, this story features elements and themes related to sensitive topics, such as mental illness and self-harm, which may cause varying amounts of discomfort depending on the reader's experiences and views on such topics. On that regard, I would like to state that the contents presented in this story, while partially drawing inspiration from my own experiences and struggles with the aforementioned topics, are NOT an accurate, realistic representation of their real-life counterparts and should NOT be interpreted as such in any way, shape or form, even if they might feature similarities. I am not a therapist, nor a specialist of any sorts.