i wish you had stayed gone

I wish you had never come back
I wish you were truly gone forever.
I wish that night, instead of taking me to your house, you had killed me.
I wish you had killed me later, so I wouldn’t have to live with these feelings.

Do you know how many years it’s been since you left?
Seven years — the longest seven years possible.
I spent every single moment trying to find you, searched for you everywhere, but you were nowhere to be found.

Do you know what I did to forget you?
How much time it took, how hard it was?
But I did it.
I’m strong — really strong.
I learned to value myself more than you.
I managed to erase you completely from my mind.

But then you came back.
And suddenly, all my efforts, all the words I told myself to move on — they all vanished.

You were the only one I wasn’t proud or selfish around.
The only one I admired.
The only one I wanted to be like.
The only one I ever loved...

You were everything I had, and you knew it perfectly well.

You knew I loved you —